


Text Msg

by comeon_toparadise



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-22 13:23:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 63
Words: 35,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22916851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comeon_toparadise/pseuds/comeon_toparadise
Summary: hi![posted from my wattpad account seolunar]
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

minho gets a text from an unknown number and things turn strange.


	2. 01

**unknown** : hi!

**minho** : who is this?

  
**unknown** : you don't know me?

**minho** : i don't. if i did i wouldnt be asking you that question

  
**unknown** : you're lying. you do know me

**minho** : i don't

**minho** : please tell me who you are or i am afraid i will have to block you

  
**unknown** : you know me

 **unknown** : you know my name

**minho** : ?

**minho** : i dONT

**minho** : i will block you if you dont answer me

  
**unknown** : you cant

**minho** : and who are you to say so

  
**unknown** : because i am you

**minho** : ??

  
**unknown** : so lets start this over shall we

 **unknown** : hi minho!

**minho** : get lost

**unknown** : ...

**unknown** : you'll regret that ☺

***

**a/n** : hahA this will be super fun to write, and also fast updates because this is a texting fic,, majorly


	3. 02

**unknown** : hi minho!

**minho** : who tf are you 

**minho** : get lost!

  
**unknown** : ha ha ha i'm afraid i just cant leave

**minho** : yes you can.   
dont talk to me ever again

  
**unknown** : but i'm afraid i can't do that

**minho** : and why?

  
**unknown** : because youre interesting

**minho** : if you don't stop   
i'll block you

  
**unknown** : but my sweet dear minho, i already told you you can't block me

**minho** : and care to   
tell me why?

  
**unknown** : its simple, we are the same  
 _seen_

 **unknown** : i'll talk to you later minho ☺  
 _seen_


	4. 03

**unknown** : did your last class end well for you?  
 _seen_

 **unknown** : i remember it being physics  
 _seen_

 **unknown** : never knew you were this smart  
 _seen_

 **unknown** : you cant hide away from me for too long  
 _seen_

**unknown** : you'll always reply  
 _seen_

**_unknown has been blocked !_ **

**unknown** : okayy,, rUde

**unknown** : but you're lucky i'm feeling particularly nice today ;)

**minho** : wtf

**minho** : i blocked you!

**minho** : stop texting me!

**unknown** : why

**minho** : because i don't know you!

**minho** : i have no fucking idea who you are!

**unknown** : but you do know me

**minho** : I DONT

**unknown** : okay fine,, if you wanna play hard to get about it then ok

**unknown** : just call me jisung

**unknown** : does that ring a bell?

**minho** : no, but i want you to stay away from me

**unknown** : uhh...

**unknown** : that doesnt sound fun 

**unknown** : so nOpe!

**minho** : go away

**unknown** : stop being so rude

**unknown** : we're supposed to be friends  
 _seen_

**unknown** : uGHH  
 _seen_

**unknown** : okay fine  
 _seen_

**unknown** : i'll talk to you later then minho 😊  
 _seen_


	5. 04

**unknown** : good day minho!

 **unknown** : or is it good night?

 **unknown** : hope you had your dinner

 **unknown** : or maybe not as its currently 5:13 PM i think

**minho** : stop texting me

  
**unknown** : and stop replying

**minho** : but i wouldn't have to reply if you just STOPPED texting me

**minho** : ur really pissing me off

  
**unknown** : hey hey hey

 **unknown** : no need to get angry at me

**minho** : fuck you

  
**unknown** : that is...if you want 👀

 **unknown** : youre really pretty

**minho** : freaking creep

  
**unknown** : ha ha ha that isnt very nice mr. lee

**minho** : how'd you know my surname

  
**unknown** : lucky guess haha

**minho** : i'm not texting   
you again

  
**unknown** : so this is what i get for being a nice friend

**minho** : friend? we are NOT friends

**unknown** : we ARE friends

_**unknown has been blocked !** _

**unknown** : hope you have a nice dinner minho

_**unknown has been blocked !** _

**unknown** : you seem rather hangry

**_unknown has been blocked !_ **

**unknown** : did you get my joke?

**unknown** : i'm so funny

**_unknown has been blocked !_ **

**unknown** : have a nice night minho


	6. 05

**unknown** : i had a pretty bad day today

 **unknown** : care to cheer me up?

_**you have changed 'unknown' to 'creep'** _

**minho** : no

  
**creep** : dont try and give me some unfavourable name

 **creep** : i'd rather be known as unknown

 **creep** : or jisung!

**minho** : well stfu

**minho** : i dont care

  
**creep** : fINE

 **creep** : as i was saying,, i didnt have the best day today

**minho** : not my problem

  
**creep** : if you dont want to help, at least i can do something about it

**minho** : what are you talking about?

  
**creep** : his name is lee felix, right?

**minho** : what?

  
**creep** : he's blond, a little shorter than you, and he's australian

 **creep** : he attends the same dance classes as you and you're infatuated with him

 **creep** : i know you want him.

**minho** : okay, i've had ENOUGH of this

**minho** : who the heck are you? why do you keep texting me and how do you know all these things about me???

**minho** : you fucking stalker 

  
**creep** : i know what you think about felix whenever you guys are alone

 **creep** : i know your deepest, darkest fantasies and desires

**minho** : you sick fuck

  
**creep** : i can help you get him

**minho** : stay the fuck   
out of my life

**creep** : ☺


	7. 06

**creep** : good day minho  
 _seen_

 **creep** : hope you had a good night  
 _seen_

 **creep** : i think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot  
 _seen_

 **creep** : maybe we should start over by introducing ourselves to one another again  
 _seen_

**minho** : no

  
**creep** : hi! i'm jisung

 **creep** : i'm your friend, and i want to help you get what you want

 **creep** : i want you to be happy with yourself :)

 **creep** : tell me something about you

**minho** : theres nothing apart from the fact that you're harassing me with your texts and annoying the hell out of me

  
**creep** : thats funny and cute i guess, but i was serious

 **creep** : tell me something about yourself

**minho** : ...

**minho** : theres nothing interesting about me

  
**creep** : now thAts an actual lie

 **creep** : you're LEE MINHO

 **creep** : aNYTHING you do is interesting haha, and amazing, don't forget

**minho** : i dont know whether to be creeped out or flattered

  
**creep** : feel flattered minho!

 **creep** : i'm a big fan of yours! i know how popular you are with your dancing, and how nice and polite you are to everyone

 **creep** : so many people like you, and so do i

**minho** : i still dont know how to feel comfortable around you

  
**creep** : so how can i make you feel comfortable with me?

**minho** : well for one, tell me how you got my number

  
**creep** : you're popular,, of course your number will get shared around haha

**minho** : and why cant   
i block you

  
**creep** : i dont know, ask yourself

**minho** : this is why i dont like you

  
**creep** : its a joke. i'm sorry

**minho** : answer the damn question

  
**creep** : i cant

 **creep** : but i can reveal some information about myself if you want ;)

**minho** : ...

**minho** : whatever

**minho** : first of all, whats your name

  
**creep** : i'm han jisung

**_you have changed 'creep' to 'jisung'_ **

  
**jisung** : and i'm a big fan of yours ;)

**minho** : you said that already

  
**jisung** : just really wanted you to know that

 **jisung** : anyway, nice talking to ya. but i have to leave now!

**minho** : wait

  
**jisung** : goodbye for now!

_**jisung has left the chat !** _


	8. 07

**jisung** : you cried today

 **jisung** : i saw how sad you looked at school, especially during the end when you attended one of your dance classes

 **jisung** : hope everything's   
alright :3

**minho** : what do you   
think. i'm not

  
**jisung** : then what happened :)

**minho** : can you stop sending those smiley faces? its creeping me tf out

  
**jisung** : i ask about how you are, and now you're calling me creepy once again.

**minho** : i don't care

  
**jisung** : you're so lucky i care about you

 **jisung** : even when you're such a bad, bad boy to me

 **jisung** : youre crying right now, aren't you?

 **jisung** : sniffling in the darkest corner of your room because of that hurtful thing that happened earlier today

**minho** : shut the fuck up

  
**jisung** : could it be the loss of a family member perhaps? or the loss of an animal...maybe a cat?

**minho** : stop talking

  
**jisung** : i'm not talking, i'm texting you babe

 **jisung** : unless you wanna hear my voice. let me comfort you with a song

**minho** : never

  
**jisung** : at least i cared about you enough to ask if youre okay

 **jisung** : and yet again you're rejecting my offer

**minho** : because i dont  
know you

  
**jisung** : and yet youre still texting me back, even when you have other friends you can talk to.

 **jisung** : i'm guessing you dont want them to see the sad, sad state you're in right now huh

 **jisung** : losing a beloved cat can be a terrible thing  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i'm guessing that youre surprised i keep getting all these facts correct

 **jisung** : want to know what else i can guess?

**minho** : shut up

  
**jisung** : you usually go to sleep at 11:30 PM sharp, but yesterday you didn't. you spent quite a lot of time in the bathroom, observing all the flaws you have, before parading the livingroom and deciding on skipping a shirt for the night.

 **jisung** : it was quite a lovely sight if i say so myself

 **jisung** : did i guess correctly?

**minho** : fucking psycho

  
**jisung** : hey, dont get mad at me for being a good guesser

 **jisung** : hey, at least to cheer you up, i think you have a pretty decent body. did that make you smile?

 **jisung** : come on, smile for me  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : sigh  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : goodnight minho. hope you feel better tomorrow :)  
 _seen_


	9. 08

**changbin✔**

**minho** : changbin

  
**changbin✔** : bro what  
do you want? i'm busy rn

**minho** : theres some person that keeps on texting me and won't leave me alone

**changbin** ✔: ?

**changbin** ✔: then just change your number dude

**minho** : if i do it'll be the THIRD time i've changed my number this month.

**changbin** ✔: if its one of those creepy fangirls or whatever, just block them or tell them to stop

**minho** : it's not a girl. its a guy

**minho** : he keeps texting me these weird stuff and tries to get on my good side, but hes being //very// creepy about it

**changbin** ✔: was he like asking for dick pics or something

**minho** : why is that the first thing you thought of

**changbin** ✔: because everyone knows you're bi

**minho** : but that doesn't mean i'll thirst over every guy i see!

**changbin** ✔: right. youre only like that for felix lmaoo

**minho** : changbin this is serious

**changbin** ✔: then just block him lmao

**minho** : i cant

**changbin** ✔: ¿

**changbin** ✔: well what do you mean you cant

**minho** : i cant fucking block the guy!

**minho** : i tried several times, but that never worked!

**changbin** ✔: idk, maybe something's wrong with ur phone?

**changbin** ✔: you can go get it checked

**minho** : i'll try that ig

**changbin** ✔: and whats this guy's name anyway

**changbin** ✔: i wanna give him a piece of my mind for trying to send my dear friend some dick pics

**minho** : changbin

**changbin** ✔: ok ok fine. who's the guy

**minho** : idk, someone by the name of han jisung

**changbin** ✔: okay, i know a lot of hans, but i dont know a 'han jisung'. maybe he goes to another college entirely

**minho** : _then how does he know so many things about me_ |

**minho** : _then how does he know_ |

**minho** : _then how_ |

**minho** : maybe.

**changbin** ✔: i'll ttyl minho

**minho** : yeah


	10. 09

**jisung** : after i met you, i've been happy with small changes.

**minho** : jisung

  
**jisung** : in the dazzling   
morning i open my eyes by thinking of you

**minho** : stop

  
**jisung** : i sit face to face with you at the table. i ask about your day or my day was pretty good  
i want to answer with smile

**minho** : what are you talking about?

  
**jisung** : when we understand each other about little things, i was surprised with the fact that we got used to each other

 **jisung** : i love you  
just like now when it’s peaceful, i want to be with you forever.

 **jisung** : i thought that as i was looking at you...

**minho** : why are you texting me these lyrics?

  
**jisung** : oh, you know the song

**minho** : everyone knows the freaking song!

**minho** : tell me why   
you sent them

  
**jisung** : welll...since you don't want to listen to my singing, i thought i'd text you a song instead

 **jisung** : i thought about you whilst sending them 😊

 **jisung** : isnt that nice?

**minho** : no it's freaking  
creepy

**minho** : stop texting me

  
**jisung** : i just wanted to make you feel better :(

 **jisung** : i want to help you get what you want

**minho** : and what i want right now is for you to leave me alone

**jisung** : why cant we just be friends? why dont you want me to help you?

**minho** : i dont need any help from a stranger

**jisung** : i know how insecure you feel right now, and how sad you often are. i want to help you be better

**minho** : i swear if you dont leave me alone i will find you myself, and you will regret it

**jisung** : try and see if you can find me then

**jisung** : good luck trying ;)


	11. 10

**jisung** : hey

 **jisung** : come on, stop ignoring me and talk to me

 **jisung** : i don't have all day you know  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : you're reading all my texts but you decided not to answer  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : hmmm  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : *picture of minho*

**minho** : how'd you   
get that picture

  
**jisung** : bingo

 **jisung** : now ive gotten you to speak

**minho** : jisung i am literally not playing right now. how did you get that picture

**jisung** : relax i got it from your instagram post this evening

**jisung** : tsk, and you think you don't look good

**jisung** : you look fine to me, and possibly with my help, i can make you look even better :3

**minho** : stop harassing   
me and go get a life

**jisung** : but my life is you minho

**jisung** : i need you to keep breathing. i like you a lot

**jisung** : maybe i even love you

**jisung** : you're so pretty, even almost perfect

**jisung** : maybe i can make you even more perfect

**minho** : jisung, stop

**jisung** : i'll help you get whatever you want, only if you just let me be your friend

**minho** : fuck off

**jisung** : sigh, you're so stubborn

  
**jisung** : see this?* picture of minho*

  
 **jisung** : this is the face of someone who shouldn't be stubborn. you're too pretty to be stubborn

_**jisung has been blocked !** _

  
**jisung** : stubborness will get you nowhere my friend

_**jisung has been blocked !** _

**jisung** : have a nice night minho

**_jisung has been blocked !_ **


	12. 11

**jisung** : minho minho

 **jisung** : amazing minho

 **jisung** : gorgeous minho

 **jisung** : beautiful minho

 **jisung** : charismatic minho

**minho** : not again

  
**jisung** : you look really hot when you dance. its your charming point

 **jisung** : anyone would fall for you if they happened to witness your dancing

 **jisung** : that felix guy doesn't know what he's missing

**minho** : don't you dare   
talk about him

  
**jisung** : he's a goodlooking guy, but not as pretty as you though

 **jisung** : he deserves you, not the other way around

 **jisung** : dont waste your tears on him

 **jisung** : he deserves to worship the ground you step on

 **jisung** : you're sad, right?

**minho** : please stop

  
**jisung** : that he doesn't notice you? that he only considers you as a friend?

**minho** : stop

  
**jisung** : you hold his hand and stare into his eyes and smile warmly at him, and whenever he has trouble learning new moves you help him out.

 **jisung** : but he just doesn't get the hint, does he?

**minho** : stop. just stop

  
**jisung** : he's oblivious to your feelings, but you want him

 **jisung** : you want him so bad

**minho** : STOP

  
**jisung** : and its eating you up inside

 **jisung** : and you want him to see you as something more than a friend

 **jisung** : and i can help you with that

 **jisung** : i can make him finally notice you

**minho** : stay away from him

**jisung** : right. okay :)

**jisung** : but you'll come running back pretty soon


	13. 12

**jisung** : you cried again

 **jisung** : why

**minho** : its nothing

  
**jisung** : a face like yours doesn't deserve to cry

 **jisung** : you only deserve to smile

 **jisung** : i hate seeing you like this

**minho** : you can see me?

  
**jisung** : why are you always crying now?

**minho** : answer my question

  
**jisung** : answer mines first

**minho** : jisung. answer the fucking question

  
**jisung** : fine

 **jisung** : you want the answer?

 **jisung** : yes, i can see you

**minho** : oh my god

  
**jisung** : please dont say its creepy again

**minho** : then what else do you expect me to say then?!

**minho** : that i'm thankful   
for you caring about me even if you've been   
stalking me for the past two weeks??!

  
**jisung** : its not stalking

**minho** : it IS jisung, and i dont know who you are, but i'm not afraid to look for you and get you behind bars if you continue to keep this psychotic behaviour up. 

**minho** : and i will

  
**jisung** : don't be ridiculous

 **jisung** : you can't do that

**minho** : and why not

  
**jisung** : because we're soulmates

 **jisung** : and soulmates don't get rid of each other that easily  
 _seen_


	14. 13

**minho** : tell me who you are

  
**jisung** : didnt you already know? i'm han jisung.

 **jisung** : i told you this already

**minho** : i mean, tell me more about you

**minho** : do you go to the same college as me? how do you look like?

**minho** : where do you live

  
**jisung** : okay slow down there doll

 **jisung** : although i should be flattered that you suddenly took an interest in me

 **jisung** : i know you're only being like this because you want to find out who i am and report me

 **jisung** : you may be pretty, but you clearly arent nearly as smart lmao

**minho** : it doesnt seem fair that you know how i look like, yet i cant even get a decent picture from you

**jisung** : and who are you to decide if i get to send my pictures, huh?

**minho** : youre so fucking frustrating, you know that?

**jisung** : so i've been told

**jisung** : i guess i make everyone annoyed and scared of me haha

**minho** : and you're happy about that

**jisung** : i mean, its the only thing i've ever been good at

**minho** : you're sick

  
**jisung** : i'm sickly in love with you

 **jisung** : oh wait

 **jisung** : that was sappy af

 **jisung** : fuck

**minho** : then if you're so 'in love' with me, send me a picture of you

**minho** : promise i wont tell :)

  
**jisung** : i'm ugly

**minho** : stop trying to make excuses and send the picture to me. i cant sympathize with you when you've been nothing but obsessive over me lately

  
**jisung** : you hurt me :(

 **jisung** : well, fine.

 **jisung** : just dont run away when you see my face

 **jisung** : or maybe you could, but i'll always find you

**minho** : just send   
the damn picture

  
**jisung** : alright alright, so impatient are we ;)

 **jisung** : well here you go

 **jisung** : *low quality, black and white pic of jisung*

  
**jisung** : hope you like it

**minho** : is this a fucking joke?

  
**jisung** : what, you expected me to show my WHOLE face?

 **jisung** : not so fast babe

 **jisung** : i'm not ready to get discovered that quickly  
 _seen_


	15. 14

** felix💓 **

**felix** 💓: uh hey minho

**felix** 💓: i hope you're feeling okay right now

**felix** 💓: i noticed haven't been to any of your classes for the past two days. i talked to changbin about it, and he said that maybe you were sick

**felix** 💓: is everything okay?

**felix** 💓: i'm just worried

**minho** : _nothing's okay_ |

**minho** : _nothing_ |

**minho** : yeah, i'm okay. just a little tired i guess haha

**minho** : thank you for asking :)

**felix** 💓: i'm glad to hear that

**felix** 💓: its just that i feel like, you know, you havent been looking cheerful recently

**felix** 💓: i don't know, its weird

**felix** 💓: but i felt like maybe you were going through something

**minho** : its nothing  
though. i'm okay, really

**felix** 💓: do you want me to come over later this afternoon? i can bring lunch if you want

**minho** : okay, thanks so much

**felix** 💓: its okay :)

**felix** 💓: you're my friend after all

**felix** 💓: alright, i'll talk to you later min

**felix** 💓: i'm currently at math rn and i don't want to get caught using my phone 😂

**minho** : haha, alright then

**felix** 💓: goodbye for now

**minho** : goodbye

**minho** : _i love you_ |

**minho** : _i lov_ |

**minho** : see you later felix :)


	16. 15

**jisung** : you're sad again

 **jisung** : why

**minho** : with the way you've been stalking me, i think you   
probably already know why

  
**jisung** : ooh touche

**minho** : shut up

  
**jisung** : let me guess

 **jisung** : broken heart?  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i'm right, aren't i?

 **jisung** : why can't you just let me help you get the guy that you want

**minho** : i dont need your help

  
**jisung** : as i said earlier, stubbornness will get you nowhere

**minho** : how could you possibly help me when you've done nothing but annoy me and bring down my mood these days?

  
**jisung** : well, first...

 **jisung** : i cheer you up with this

 **jisung** : *happy meme of tom holland*

  
**jisung** : because you really are

 **jisung** : and then i do this as well

**_jisung has sent a voice recording !_ **

**jisung** : check it out

**check?**   
**yes** **|no**

**minho** : i'm probably going to regret this

**_::_ ** _you're cute. very, very cute. and you're gorgeous as well. sorry if i keep on mentioning how handsome you are, it's just something i always wanted to point out. ...i can stare into your lovely eyes forever -- and i'd love to hold your hand and smile as you tell me about your day. maybe -- maybe i'm being weird right now, but you make me feel things i've never felt before_ **_::_ **

**jisung** : did you like it? did you like my voice?

**minho** : you stutter a lot

  
**jisung** : yeah, i was nervous. its not everyday that i get to talk to someone i've had my eyes on for a while

 **jisung** : but did you feel things? did your heart flutter?

**minho** : no

  
**jisung** : that's a lie  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : tell me minho, if i was felix, and i said the exact same words to you, would you be happier?

**minho** : jisung

  
**jisung** : you would, wouldn't you

 **jisung** : well, i can be felix for you

 **jisung** : let me love you like how you'd like to be loved by felix

**minho** : you're insane

  
**jisung** : i get that a lot

 **jisung** : but the offer's still up

**minho** : shut up, and go away  
 _seen_


	17. 16

**jisung** : *pic of hyunlix in pyjamas*

**minho** : why

  
**jisung** : see this?

 **jisung** : this is felix clearly enjoying the time he spent with your other classmate hwang hyunjin last night

 **jisung** : hyunjin even posted it on his instagram, and even called felix cute

**minho** : jisung, i'm tired

**minho** : please stop this

  
**jisung** : are you just going to sit back and watch this all happen without doing anything about it?

**minho** : you said it yourself.

**minho** : felix will never see me in that way

  
**jisung** : not if i get involved myself

**minho** : jisung, just stop.  
stop it

  
**jisung** : but i'm trying to help you here

**minho** : BUT I DONT NEED YOUR HELP OKAY

**minho** : you're just making things worse, ruining my mood and pissing me off!!

**jisung** : you DO need my help, okay?

  
**jisung** : this is why you're always crying all the time like some sorry pathetic sap, when you can get the guy of your dreams in just a short amount of time!

 **jisung** : why do you keep pushing me away?!

**minho** : jisung, do you even HEAR yourself??

**minho** : even since you started texting me, i've been nothing but miserable! 

**minho** : you keep wanting to 'encourage' me, and yet you're the first person to send me the picture of someone i actually really like being all cuddly with someone else!

  
**jisung** : and yet you still reply to my texts

**minho** : fuck you, i am DONE

**minho** : don't ever fucking text me again, you hear me, or you will regret it

_**jisung has been blocked !** _

  
**jisung** : yeah right


	18. 17

**jisung** : minho

 **jisung** : good morning

 **jisung** : how are you today?

 **jisung** : hope you aren't still pissed off at me

 **jisung** : i realized what i said was a bit uncalled for, and i am sorry

 **jisung** : i really am

 **jisung** : minho, talk to me again

 **jisung** : :(

 **jisung** : i want us to start talking again

 **jisung** : i miss you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : miss every part of you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : please answer me  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : if i made you sad, i'm sorry  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : stop ignoring me  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : minho...  
 _seen_

**minho** : jisung

  
**jisung** : yes, what do you want?

 **jisung** : whatever it is i'll do it

 **jisung** : i want you to know that you can trust me

**minho** : send me a  
picture of you

  
**jisung** : ...

 **jisung** : *low quality black and white pic of jisung*

**minho** : you cant keep doing this. if you actually want me to trust you, then send me a clear picture of how you look like.

**jisung** : believe me, if i could, i would

**minho** : this is ridiculous

**jisung** : minho, please dont be mad at me

**jisung** : i love you  
 _seen_

**jisung** : and i want you to be happy  
 _seen_

**jisung** : please reply  
 _seen_


	19. 18

**jisung** : amazing performance today minho

 **jisung** : that was a LOOK

 **jisung** : *attractive black and white pic of minho*

  
**jisung** : did you know you have a fansite dedicated to you??

**minho** : i do

  
**jisung** : how can you be so nonchalant??

 **jisung** : aren't you seeing this aRT?

**minho** : i dont look good.  
i look a bit too skinny

  
**jisung** : this is like, one of the BEST looks you've ever had

 **jisung** : i bet if felix saw that picture of you, he would swoon

 **jisung** : you should look like this more often

 **jisung** : maybe then felix would finally notice you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : oh wait, dont tell me you're offended

**minho** : jisung i'm not in the mood right now

**jisung** : why?

**minho** : if you're just going to insult me then maybe you should just stop talking to me altogether

**jisung** : i wasnt insulting you, i was complimenting you

**jisung** : there's a difference

**jisung** : and plus, why wouldn't you want to look like this more often?

**jisung** : you look nice like this

**jisung** : very, very nice

**minho** : i look dehydrated

**jisung** : *perfect

**minho** : listen, i have some assignments to do right now, maybe you can text me some other time

**jisung** : sure

**jisung** : see you then, maybe later tonight?

**minho** : maybe  
 _seen_


	20. 19

**jisung** : hey minho, you up?

**minho** : i can't sleep

  
**jisung** : me too

 **jisung** : i usually stay up all night so much so that i'm used to it now

 **jisung** : what about you? why are you up so late?

**minho** : i don't know. i have trouble sleeping these days

**minho** : if i decide to say fuck it and skip out on sleep, changbin and seungmin will probably both have my head tomorrow

  
**jisung** : how could they possibly have your head?

**minho** : you know   
what i mean

  
**jisung** : yeah, i do lol

 **jisung** : on one hand i'm sorry you cant sleep

 **jisung** : but on the other hand, i'm glad you're still up. so we can talk

 **jisung** : so let's talk

**minho** : i dont think there's anything we can talk about at 2:18 AM

  
**jisung** : sure there is!

 **jisung** : lets talk about things that interest you...maybe about a certain someone ;)

**minho** : i'm not talking to you about felix

  
**jisung** : come on, talk to me about him. tell me how he makes you feel

**minho** : great

  
**jisung** : and how do you feel when he pays attention to you?

**minho** : like i'm on cloud nine

**minho** : he's a really cute person, and he's so nice to me. i really like it whenever he holds eye contact with me and gives me one of those bright smiles of his. i also really like it when he passes me notes that i've missed whenever i come back to class, or buys me lunch when i forget to get them myself 

**minho** : and he's always so willing to learn from me. i really admire that about him

  
**jisung** : and why do you think he doesn't consider you as more than a friend

**minho** : i don't know, i dont want to talk about it

  
**jisung** : right

**minho** : i'm serious. its too early to get put down by your words about how he'd never like me back

  
**jisung** : okay

 **jisung** : but what if he suddenly likes you back? you'd like that, wouldn't you?

**minho** : why are you so determined to get him to like me back

  
**jisung** : because i know that would make you happy. and i want you to be the happiest, best version of yourself

**minho** : ...right. okay

**minho** : what have you got then, mr. matchmaker cupid?

  
**jisung** : for him to like you back, you need to change some things

**minho** : wow okay. lets pretend that that didnt sting for a bit

**minho** : but what things are you talking about

  
**jisung** : :)

***

**a/n:** sorry for the spam. this fic is like a stress reliever for me lol

thoughts so far on this?


	21. 20

**jisung** : are you up?

 **jisung** : if you are, you're actually being watched

**minho** : what are you talking about

  
**jisung** : is your heart beating quickly? are you afraid of the impending doom of the unknown that's about to sink down on you unexpectedly?

**minho** : jisung what the heck are you talking about?

  
**jisung** : you never know what could be out there, staring at you through your bedroom window right now

 **jisung** : beware

 **jisung** : :)

**minho** : jisung what the fuck

  
**jisung** : i

 **jisung** : fuck i'm so sorry

**minho** : ???

**minho** : jisung why did   
you send those texts?

  
**jisung** : fuck

 **jisung** : its my shitty friends

 **jisung** : they took over my phone for me while i was out for a couple minutes

 **jisung** : i'm so sorry

**minho** : your friends?

**jisung** : yeah, my stupid friends chan and jeongin

**jisung** : why do you sound so surprised that i have friends lmao?

**minho** : i'm not, i'm just

**minho** : really freaking scared right now. i dont have a roommate and i'm all by myself

**jisung** : i'm so sorry. they like to pull pranks like that a lot

**minho** : well, i'm still really freaked out

**minho** : my heart is still   
beating really fucking quickly

**jisung** : here, i'll uh, i'll sing you a song to calm you down

**jisung** : i'll call you

**_incoming call from 'jisung'_ **   
**accept?**   
** yes ** **|no**


	22. 21

**_"minho...are you okay right now?"_ **

_"i... yeah, i'm okay."_

  
**_"you're literally breathing so hard..."_ **

_"i'm sorry. i just feel really anxious..."_

  
**_"just -- take a deep breath with me, okay?"_ **

_"o-okay."_

  
**_"on the count of three; one, two...three..."_ **

_"i feel like i can't breathe."_

  
**_"it's okay, minho. we'll get through this together. i'm really sorry this had to happen..."_ **

_"it literally doesn't help that its storming so hard right now. i can literally h-hear the thunder..."_

_"i-i feel so scared."_

  
**_"stay calm. it won't harm you, minho."_ **

_"i k-know, but -- "_

  
**_"minho, what is it?"_ **

**_"minho?"_ **

_**"minho, talk to me."** _

_"felix, h-he -- "_

  
**_"he what?"_ **

_"he just texted me. said he was worried about me. h-he already knows about my fear of thunder..."_

  
_**"and i'm guessing he wants to come over."** _

_"y-yeah..."_

  
_**"..."** _

_**"well, i'll talk to you later then, minho."** _

_"jisung -- "_

  
_**"goodbye."** _

_**jisung has ended the call.** _


	23. 22

** changbin✔ **

  
**changbin** ✔: okay minho, i'm outside your dorm

 **changbin** ✔: open up

 **changbin** ✔: wake up, or you're gonna be late

 **changbin** ✔: i'm knocking REALLY hard on the door right now

 **changbin** ✔: minho, wake up, or else i'm gonna have to call you

 **changbin** ✔: and that won't go down well

 **changbin** ✔: minho  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: answer my texts goddammit  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: why the heck are you being like this?  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: you've missed too many goddamn classes  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: why are you always so cooped up in your dorm now?  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: minho, answer my freaking texts. i'm getting really frustrated  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: why are you being so difficult?!  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: i literally can't understand you at times!  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: you rarely look happy these days and now you're purposefully ignoring my texts!  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: minho, i'm worried about you

**minho** : leave me alone

  
**changbin** ✔: no, not today

**minho** : i'm not in the fucking mood to go to any class today

  
**changbin** ✔: tell that to your professors

 **changbin** ✔: seriously minho, what's gotten into you?

 **changbin** ✔: you never used to be like this

 **changbin** ✔: what's wrong?

**minho** : nothing

  
**changbin** ✔: don't pull that shit with me, minho

 **changbin** ✔: open the damn door and let's talk  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: minho, are you serious right now?  
 _seen_

 **changbin** ✔: wow  
 _seen_


	24. 23

** felix💓 **

  
**felix** 💓: hey, minho :)

 **felix** 💓: are you okay? changbin told me you weren't responding to his calls or text messages

 **felix** 💓: i don't want to intrude on anything or bother you, but i'm just really worried

 **felix** 💓: you can reply back anytime you feel most comfortable

 **felix** 💓: *pic of felix with ice cream*

  
**felix** 💓: hope you feel a bit more encouraged!

**minho** : why are you   
doing this?

  
**felix** 💓: doing what?

**minho** : it's nothing. thanks for caring

  
**felix** 💓: it's no biggie

 **felix** 💓: i'm just really worried about you, you know? i really miss us hanging out

 **felix** 💓: i miss you

**minho** : _yet i know you_  
 _don't mean it like that_ |

**minho** : _yet i know you_ |

**minho** :|

**minho** : i'm sorry, i just cant talk to you right now

  
**felix** 💓: wait, is everything alright

**minho** : _nothing is_ |

**minho** : can you just quit it?

  
**felix** 💓: minho?

**minho** : i'm so sorry felix

**minho** : i just need some  
time to myself right now

  
**felix** 💓: oh, its fine. i'm sorry if i angered you though

**minho** : i'm the one who   
should be sorry. i'm sorry. my emotions are just a mess   
right now

**minho** : i'm so sorry

**minho** : talk to you later felix

**minho** : _goodbye for now ❤_ |

**minho** : goodbye for now ♥

  
**felix** 💓: okay, bye 💛


	25. 24

**minho** : i need your help  
 _seen_

**minho** : jisung, don't pull this on me right now  
 _seen_

**minho** : you've been ignoring me for almost a week now  
 _seen_

**minho** : whenever my friends text or call, you bail  
 _seen_

**minho** : they're allowed to check up on me, you know  
 _seen_

**minho** : you're not the only one who cares enough to want to know what's up with me

  
**jisung** : i'm the only one who cares enough, period

**minho** : jisung

  
**jisung** : shut the fuck up and listen to me

 **jisung** : your so called friends are only there whenever they sense that something's 'wrong' with you. if that doesn't happen, they ignore you

**minho** : that isn't true 

  
**jisung** : yes it fucking is

 **jisung** : want to know what they do whenever you're not around?

**minho** : jisung

  
**jisung** : shut up and listen

 **jisung** : yesterday, your friends were quite eager to leave you behind later that night and went out to town to go get some food together. and they never told you about it, right?

 **jisung** : of course they wouldn't! they woulen't want you to spoil their mood!

 **jisung** : and this was hyunjin and felix yesterday before felix suddenly had the desire to text you and see how you were doing

 **jisung** : *pic of felix lying on hyunjin's shoulder*

**minho** : jisung, stop doing this

**jisung** : and this is the picture they took in class today

**jisung** : *pic of hyunlix being close*

  
**jisung** : they look so in love, right? are you mad that felix would rather do this with a guy he'd just met a couple months ago rather than you who he's known for almost a year and a half?

 **jisung** : felix would rather him over you

**minho** : jisung, stop it!

**minho** : why the fuck are you being like this?

**minho** : why are you so set on hurting my feelings just because i didn't pay attention to you for a couple days?

  
**jisung** : its not my fault you get butthurt over the truth.

**minho** : fuck you

  
**jisung** : not my problem

 **jisung** : you'll come running back anyways  
 _seen_

***

**a/n** : quick, send me any theories you guys have about this story!


	26. 25

changbin's hand clasped around his phone as he stood in front of minho's dorm room, contemplating if he should call the male again and risk being ignored like he'd been by the other the previous time he'd tried this.

he sighed, his exhales visible against the cool morning air, and even with the thick black sweater he was doned in, he still felt as cold as ever.

lately, he'd been less and less willing to come visit minho, as he knew the older would just find ways to push him aside, and never reply to his text messages or calls.

"should we actually attempt entering by ourselves?" seungmin's voice edged its way inside the confines of changbin's mind, and the shorter black haired male blinked, before meeting his taller friend's eyes.

"yeah... maybe. but you know how he hates it whenever we do that."

seungmin pursed his lips and sighed. he pinched the bridge of his nose. "but do we have even a _choice_ right now? if we don't force ourselves to enter, then he'd never give us the time of day. remember what happened the day before?"

"yeah," changbin nodded, seeing some sense with seungmin's words. "i guess."

with the added confirmation from changbin, seungmin bent down and shifted his hand over the edge of the doormat -- that was mostly there for decoration and not much else -- lifting the spongy material upwards.

the taller didn't waste anytime in picking the key that had been lodged below it, and then placing it into the keyhole the door provided. with a little click, the door was pushed open, ajar to let both males examine the contents of the interior.

they couldn't believe their eyes. a majority of the dorm's small amount of furniture had been haphazardly set up around the area, clothes were strewn over everywhere, and the dirty dishes in the sink were still intact.

now, normally changbin and seungmin wouldn't have been so surprised (as they were all broke college students and barely had time to take care of _themselves_ , let alone their own dorms), but not every average college student was minho.

minho was usually so, _so_ clean.

"what the fuck happened here?" seungmin let out, cursing underneath his breath.

changbin didn't wait for his friend to say anything more, as he was already on his way to minho's bedroom.

the door was already slightly opened, which was _yet_ another strange occurrence, as minho rarely let any door inside his dorm stay open. he was always a little on the more orderly side of things.

now, changbin was apprehensive as to what he'd meet when he looked through the opening.

when he finally entered the room though, he stopped in his tracks.

minho's room was a _mess_. the drawer beside his bed had several materials on it that weren't placed in the right order, and his pillows and some of his tshirts were currently on the floor.

inside the bed lay minho himself, submerged beneath his messily positioned blankets and his head of black hair obstructing the view of his face.

"minho...?" changbin softly called out, his voice a little above a whisper. at this point in time, seungmin was already beside him, and by the look of his face alone, he was just as shocked as the shorter at witnessing the state that minho's room was in.

minho barely moved at the sound of changbin's voice, and for a couple seconds, both males just stood there, unsure of what to do next.

but it seemed like they didn't need to do anything afterall, because a few seconds afterwards, minho started slowly moving over his bed. he slightly glanced up, and looked away as soon as he saw both changbin and seungmin standing there.

"go away, i'm not in the mood." his voice was low, and almost hoarse sounding.

"minho -- " seungmin began, but the black haired male interrupted him.

"i told you guys to leave. and how did you get inside my dorm anyway?"

"we -- we used the key under your mat," changbin cleared his throat, "but, we won't apologize for that. minho, what's up with you these days? we saw how messy your dorm looked, and we _know_ you're not that kind of person to just leave your environment in that state."

minho didn't answer.

"minho, we won't force you into anything you're not ready for," seungmin spoke up a couple seconds later, "we're just really, really worried about you. you've just been so absent these days."

despite minho looking away, changbin and seungmin could tell that his body was shaking.

seungmin stepped a little closer. "minho..."

"you guys should leave." a pause, and then a sniff. "i'll talk to you guys later, i promise. right now, i just want to rest."

"well you've been resting a lot -- "

seungmin placed a hand on changbin's shoulder to shut him up.

"alright, minho," seungmin said. "we'll talk to you later. just know that we care about you, okay? we _all_ care about you, and we hate seeing you like this."

minho was unresponsive, even as the two males he considered as his friends left his room. when he was sure they were no longer in the vincinity, he let the first few tears fall.


	27. 26

** changbin✔ **

  
**changbin** ✔: minho, where are you right now?

**minho** : i'm at the library. went there to pick up some books for my physics lab later this afternoon

  
**changbin** ✔: oh, okay. i almost thought you were still inside your dorm

**minho** : wow

  
**changbin** ✔: you cant blame me for thinking that way though

**minho** : shut up

  
**changbin** ✔: lmao anyway, when will you be leaving

**minho** : in a couple minutes. why did you ask?

  
**changbin** ✔: care to accompany me to this pretty decent restaurant that just opened a couple months ago tonight?

 **changbin** ✔: i heard the food there is nice, so i'm sure we'll be able to enjoy it

 **changbin** ✔: and its all on me, as an apology for how harsh i've been on you lately

 **changbin** ✔: i'm really sorry for acting out on you. i just really care about you

**minho** : no worries, it's okay

  
**changbin** ✔: so...about the meal? do you want to go with me?

**minho** : are our other friends coming along as well?

  
**changbin** ✔: no, it's just us two

 **changbin** ✔: or, do you want them to tag along?

**minho** : no, it's fine i guess

**changbin** ✔: so you're agreeing?

_**incoming call from 'jisung'** _   
**accept?**   
**yes|** **no**

  
**changbin** ✔: minho?

**minho** : changbin, i'll talk to you later

  
**changbin** ✔: but you're still coming, right?

**minho** : yeah, i think so

  
**changbin** ✔: great :)

 **changbin** ✔: i'll arrive around 6, so be ready

**minho** : sure

  
**changbin** ✔: bye minho

**minho** : bye

_**incoming call from 'jisung'** _   
**accept?**   
**yes|** ** no **

**_incoming call from 'jisung'_ **   
**accept?**   
**yes|** ** no **

**_incoming call from 'jisung'_ **   
**accept?**   
**yes|no**


	28. 27

**jisung** : minho, what are you doing?

 **jisung** : answer my texts

 **jisung** : i know i've been bad lately, but that was just because i was jealous

 **jisung** : i'm sorry for being so mean :(

 **jisung** : i thought i could control myself, but i like you

 **jisung** : i like you too much

 **jisung** : please reply  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : ugh, i HATE it when you do this, minho  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : stop ignoring me and answer my freaking texts  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i know where you are right now, and i'm not happy about it  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : so is this what you do in your spare time? hopping from one guy to another?  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i thought you were crazy about felix, guess i was wrong then  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : or maybe you're just trying to distract yourself with someone else  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : tsk, enjoy your date minho  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : but just to be clear, your friend is probably only taking you out because he wants something from you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : he probably doesn't care about anything else apart from that  
 _see_ _n_

 **jisung** : he probably actually doesn't care about you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : have a nice night minho :)  
 _seen_

**minho** : _i hate you_ |

**minho** :|


	29. 28

**jisung** : minho, are you okay?

 **jisung** : you know i'm worried about you

 **jisung** : i know you're tired of me always being like this, but i cant help it

 **jisung** : i'm so sorry  
 _seen_

**minho** : yeah, of course you are 

  
**jisung** : i'm telling the truth though

 **jisung** : tell me what's bothering you, i'll try my best to help

**minho** : help? you've done nothing but piss me off these past couple days

  
**jisung** : i already told you, i get jealous really easily

**minho** : at this point, i'm just questioning how i stuck with you for so long, and why i keep replying to you

  
**jisung** : that's because you need me to survive  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : tell me minho, what exactly do you want?

**minho** : i want you to leave me alone

  
**jisung** : i cant leave you if you keep on coming back to me

 **jisung** : and i already told you, you need me

 **jisung** : so tell me, what do you really want?

 **jisung** : i can really help you get it

 **jisung** : whatever you want. i can give it to you

**minho** : ...

**minho** : how are you so sure you can help me get it?

  
**jisung** : because i never lie

***

  
**a/n** : theories?

also, how many chapters do you think this fic will have?


	30. 29

**_incoming call from 'jisung'_ **   
**accept?**   
**yes** **|no**

  
_**"rise and shine, sleepyhead!"** _

_"...what?"_

  
_**"why are you still asleep? you've got a big day ahead of you today!"** _

_"what big day are you talking about? i just have a few couple classes to attend that i'm probably going to sleep through."_

  
**_"i'm not talking about those classes though."_ **

_"...then what are you talking about?"_

  
**_"you have dance first thing in the morning, right?"_ **

_"yeah."_

  
**_"which means you'll get to see felix, right?"_ **

_"...uh, yeah."_

  
**_"wear red today. he really likes red."_ **

_"i know he likes red, but -- "_

  
**_"no questions, minho. just do what i say and he'll notice you."_ **

_"...fine."_

  
**_"do you have bandanas, right? preferably black bandanas?"_ **

_"yeah, but -- "_

  
_**"wear it. wear a muscle top as well. you've been working out, right?"** _

_"...yes, but -- "_

  
_**"don't question me."** _

_**"also, skip out on the cereal today and just grab a fruit or something."** _

_"why?"_

  
_**"because it's healthier and it'll help you lose weight quicker."** _

_"so you're saying i'm fat, is that it?"_

  
_**"no, but felix probably thinks you are. he seems like the type to like strong, muscular guys."** _

_"jisung!"_

  
_**"what? i'm just being honest."** _

_"well i don't like it."_

  
**_"i'm just trying to help you here."_ **

**_"also -- put on some makeup. your eyebags are showing. you look like you're gonna die."_ **

_"wow, thanks so much for that."_

  
**_"this all may seem nonsensical now, but in the future you'll thank me for doing this minho."_ **

_"right, okay."_

**_"also, use some hair spray. felix looks like the type to like his guys actually groomed for once."_ **

_"jisung, shhh. i have to go shower."_

**_"whatever. just -- do as i say, okay?"_ **

_"sure, whatever."_

  
_**"and remember that i love you."** _

_"...yeah, sure."_


	31. 30

**_incoming call from 'jisung'_ **   
**accept?**   
** yes ** **|no**

  
" ** _good morning, minho!_** "

_"you literally aren't going to quit with this, are you?"_

  
_**"nope! i want you to look your best today."** _

_"'so that felix will notice you' -- yeah, i know that's what you're going to say next."_

  
_**"how are you so sure? what if i just want you to look your best for me, and not for anyone else?"** _

_**"you're already so pretty. i just want everyone to see that."** _

_"...i'm not pretty."_

  
_**"yes you are, and i want you to be able to enhance that beauty. i want everyone, especially that felix guy, to see what i've been seeing this whole time."** _

_**"an ethereal, beautiful human being."** _

_"you keep calling me pretty, or beautiful. is that all you like about me?"_

  
_**"no..."** _

_**"i like everything about you, minho."** _

**_"and you're the only one i've ever liked this way."_ **

_"then why do you get angry at me at times?"_

  
_**"you know when parents get angry their child for misbehaving, or when friends try and correct their other friend who they feel isn't doing what they're supposed to? our situation is similar to that."** _

_"...that's fucking weird."_

  
**_"well, whatever. i just want the best for you. i just don't like it when you do something that i feel isn't right."_ **

_"so i never do anything right, then."_

  
**_"oh, you're doing something right by allowing me to talk to you so freely now."_ **

_**"and, you're doing so great lately. so amazing. thank you for allowing us to be friends."** _

_"alright, it's fine."_

  
_**"i still love you though, and have a nice day."** _

_**"also, remember what we talked about the other day?"** _

_"...yeah..."_

  
_**"think you can do it for me?"** _

_"i feel especially weak these days, but okay."_

_"i'll lose some of it."_

  
_**"thanks so much. you're doing the right thing, minho."** _

_"yeah..."_

***

**a/n:** why do you guys like this weird ass book lol


	32. 31

minho let out a tired breath as he bent over, extending and stretching his joints so his body wouldn't feel so heavy and restrained.

small beads of sweat pooled at his forehead and latched themselves within his hair, and with yet another shaky exhaled breath, he ran a hand through the damp locks.

the dance instructor that was responsible for overseeing everyone's choreography was already on his way out of the studio, and the some students had already left as well. the other ones lingered, congratulating each other on a job well done, as everyone'd managed to complete quite a lot of moves for the class.

minho's breath hitched inside his lungs once more as he sharply inhaled, and when he finally stood up to his feet, he felt quite a bit dizzy.

a hand made its way on top of his shoulder, and when minho finally turned around, he was face to face with a pair of twinkling round eyes and flushed freckled cheeks.

"here," felix let out, passing the older male a cool water bottle, "i don't think you remembered to bring your own bottle."

minho let out a airy laugh. his chest felt like a pressurized container. "y-yeah. thank you..."

felix grinned, looking far less out of breath and burnt out than minho, and suddenly the dark haired male felt like hiding away. he probably looked like a huge mess, his hair disheveled and his cheeks as red as an overripe tomato, and he felt bad for the australian who had to witness him like this.

"you okay? the choreo was a bit hard." felix laughed, and minho's heart leaped at the bright sound.

"nah, i'm fine." minho grinned, shaking his head. "i just... need to head back to my dorm room and take a shower. and i'll be all set."

"and eat something as well, alright?" felix gently instructed, lightly patting minho's arm. his touch felt hot on the older male's skin, and his heart sped up even more. "i don't think i even saw you _take_ something this afternoon."

his face showed an expression that was completely sympathetic, and minho _hated_ it.

"i did though," minho swiftly lied. "i'm fine."

felix's brown eyebrows narrowed. "...okay. i just -- i want you to be eating well, okay?"

"you're treating me like a baby," minho joked, laughing despite the way his ribs felt like they were being pricked. "if you forgot, i'm older than you."

"of course you are, hyung." felix smiled at him, and for a moment minho felt like he could just ignore all his problems, focusing on the radiance of the younger boy's smile instead.

"i have to go now, minho. i have a class in like, forty minutes and i have to go freshen up," felix spoke again. when minho passed him the water bottle, he held out his hand and shook his head. "keep it, hyung. i have several more where that came from. anyway, i'll talk to you later?"

"yeah," minho replied, and soon after, felix was gone. there was still a part of him though that wished the foreign male had stayed, but he pushed that part of him aside and focused on heading back to his dorm for the time being.

he was too tired to feel disappointed this afternoon.

***

** changbin✔ **

  
**changbin** ✔: bro, i'm here behind your door

 **changbin** ✔: open up

**minho** : why are you here

  
**changbin** ✔: are you serious?

 **changbin** ✔: so i'm not allowed to enter your dorm anymore? is that what you're saying?

**minho** : sigh

**minho** : it's not that

**minho** : i'll open the door  
for you right now, don't worry.

  
soon enough, minho made his way to the door of his small dorm room, unlocking the door without much problems.

behind it was a smiling changbin, who promptly held up a bag that seemed to contain food.

"i got you a little something, courtesy of felix! and me, as well," changbin spoke, before stepping past minho to enter the dorm. the taller male nodded, feeling a bit nervous at the mention of food.

"felix already said he won't be coming over for a while, since he has some stuff to do, and seungmin is out on a date with some guy," changbin continued, taking a seat on the tiny couch that took up some part of the livingroom space.

"okay," minho nodded, closing the door. after he did this, he turned around and sighed. "okay, what do we have?"

"we have your favourite type of street food -- spicy rice cakes -- and we also have some chicken and noodles, and -- " changbin looked through the huge plastic bag. he let out an overdramatic sigh. " _oh_ , we _may_ have some alcohol as well."

"ooh, _scandalous_ ," minho laughed, smiling when changbin laughed as well.

"it's a shame seungmin and felix can't join us in pigging out on this right now for the time being, but oh well." changbin grinned, patting the side of him on the couch. "at least we have each other."

"we literally _shouldn't_ be sneaking in alcohol into the dorms," minho spoke, but he'd already inched his way over to changbin's side.

changbin regarded him with a smirk. "but that's what makes this so fun, right?"

"i guess." minho shrugged.

"and on a serious note; i bought all this so you could cheer up this afternoon. i hate seeing you look so down," changbin said a few seconds in, before placing a comforting hand on the taller's thigh and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

minho bit his lip, his nervous fingers turning on the tv with the remote. "thank you, but i'm okay though."

changbin just stared at him, probably not believing him in the slightest, but he decided to drop it for his friend's sake.

they soon paid attention to the movie playing on the tv screen, getting started on the junk food along the way. the movie was a comedic one, one that entertained both males and easily made them laugh.

little by little, minho felt his shoulders relax and his chest lighten, and he became much more comfortable.

as night fell and stars took over the dark sky, changbin and minho had already gotten their hands on the alcohol stashed in the plastic bag.

minho felt his worries gradually lessen the more shots he took, and he laughed even more now, especially with changbin's hilarious jokes and his equally as hilarious laughter.

"i...i need to tell you something," changbin said a couple minutes later.

"...sure, i guess," minho nodded, his head feeling light and woozy all over. his cheeks were warm from the alcoholic drinks he'd consumed, and his chest felt even warmer as changbin'd pressed himself against his body. his shorter friend's hair tickled his neck.

"this is weird," changbin chuckled, pouting a bit. he softly poked minho's arm, and when the taller male looked down on him, he smiled. "but i -- i like it when you hold me."

"that _is_ really weird. you... you normally hate skinship," minho reasoned, hiccuping a little.

"i _know_. but -- but i want you to hold me, and hold my hand or whatever. and i don't like it, but i also don't hate it either. _ughh_ ," changbin groaned, "i hate being like this..."

it was a clear as day that both males were drunk off their asses, so minho obviously didn't take his shorter friend seriously.

"wow...okay..."

"i'm _serious_ , minho," changbin giggled. "i...i think you're cute. like this adorable looking kitten. i've thought that about you for quite a while."

minho smiled, but a headache had started to build up inside his head. "...okay."

"and i know it feels wrong, since you like felix. but i just -- i think i like you."

minho's head started to throb, and he winced, almost dropping the bottle in his hand.

"minho... are -- are you _okay_?" changbin asked. he'd already taken the bottle out of minho's hand, looking incredibly worried. well, as worried as a drunk person could look for their friend.

minho just shook his head yes, suddenly feeling hotter than ever. he stared out of his dorm's window, and looked at his friend again. "i don't think seungmin and felix are coming over anymore."

"yeah, i guess." changbin said, staring at the floor. "i'm guessing you'd want me to leave soon then."

"hey, there's the couch. you can sleep on it," minho joked.

changbin chuckled in response, grinning at the dark haired male. "right, of course."

minho's head felt like it was cornered with fuzzy cobwebs just as changbin's arms wound themselves around his neck and his lips touched his. he let out a sound of surprise, but the alcohol had dimmed any other sort of response he would've had concerning changbin's actions.

the shorter boy's lips felt soft against his own, nice and full, yet minho still felt strange. his pushed those feelings aside however, and focused instead on the warmth his friend's body and touches emitted, kissing him back.

minho didn't _feel_ anything else other than warmth, and as soon as he thought about another face -- one that had numerous freckles on it -- he could almost forget about what he was actually doing.

he kissed changbin harder, running his hands underneath the shorter's shirt, feeling his muscly torso in the process -- pretending that he was holding a much leaner person instead -- and unaware of the full extent of his actions as the alcoholic drinks had taken away any caution he may have felt.

with changbin, it was easy for minho to pretend. and maybe it was the alcohol that made him so bold that night, or maybe it was because changbin had given him the attention and comfort he _so badly_ craved from _someone_ , because the next thing he knew, he'd woken up early that next morning on his bed, feeling utterly and completely disgusted with himself while a naked changbin was curled up at his side, under the sheets.

**_1 unread message from 'jisung' !_ **

**[jisung** : **whore** **]**

***

**a/n:** thoughts on this so far?


	33. 32

**jisung** : whore  
 _seen 12:15 pm_

**minho** : why are you   
doing this again?

**minho** : why are you insulting   
me again??

  
**jisung** : its you that i should be asking that question instead! you did something wrong, and now i'm left to pick up the pieces and correct you!

**minho** : but still, that doesn't give you the right to call me that

**minho** : i get that you're angry, but changbin and i were drunk, thats it

  
**jisung** : here you are trying to defend yourself. what the fuck are you doing? first, you said you liked felix, and now you're sleeping around with changbin!

 **jisung** : that's pretty disgusting, if i can say so myself

**minho** : jisung, stop it

  
**jisung** : you're disgusting

 **jisung** : i bet changbin feels that way as well for you playing with his feelings like that

**minho** : like i said earlier, we were DRUNK, jisung

**minho** : stop trying to bring me down!

  
**jisung** : well stop making so many damn mistakes!

 **jisung** : maybe then i wouldn't have to say so many bad things to you all the time!

 **jisung** : you don't even know what the fuck you want

 **jisung** : you're so damn indecisive, its pathetic

**minho** : shut up

**minho** : shut up

**minho** : shut up!

  
**jisung** : tell me, is changbin with you right now? or did you kick him out at the first chance you got because it wasn't felix that you fucked last night?

**minho** : SHUT UP

**minho** : LEAVE ME ALONE

  
**jisung** : you're so goddamn annoying when you're like this, it makes me wonder how i stuck with you for so long

**minho** : jisung, please stop

**minho** : please

  
**jisung** : and then i remember that you need me, and without me you'll continue to make mistake upon mistake and ruin all the chances that you have!

 **jisung** : without me, you're useless  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : call me when you calm down and stop crying for once. i'll help you fix all your shit up, as always  
 _seen_


	34. 33

** changbin✔ **

**minho** : changbin, can we talk?

  
**changbin** ✔: if its about what happened that night, then don't

 **changbin** ✔: you already apologized, its fine

**minho** : i'm just

**minho** : i'm really sorry i took advantage of you like that

  
**changbin** ✔: we were both drunk, so don't worry

**minho** : i still can't help but feel that way though

**minho** : i mean, you told me   
you like me

**minho** : can we just talk   
about it?

  
**changbin** ✔: there's nothing to talk about

**minho** : changbin

  
**changbin** ✔: hey, don't sweat it

 **changbin** ✔: i already know you don't like me like that, so let's not try to 'talk about it' or whatever

 **changbin** ✔: your heart's with felix, and i completely understand

 **changbin** ✔: i just don't think i can be around you right now

**minho** : please, i still miss your company

**minho** : please come over

**minho** : i'm sorry for fucking everything up

  
**changbin** ✔: you didn't do anything, minho

 **changbin** ✔: i just

 **changbin** ✔: i need some space for myself to think right now

 **changbin** ✔: i still really care about you though

 **changbin** ✔: so, so much

 **changbin** ✔: i want you to take care of yourself, alright?

 **changbin** ✔: and stop skipping meals, and drink lots of water

 **changbin** ✔: i want you to be healthy

**minho** : i'm sorry

  
**changbin** ✔: you've got nothing to apologize for, minho

 **changbin** ✔: i'll call you when i have time, okay?

**minho** : ...okay

  
**changbin** ✔: _love you_ |

 **changbin** ✔: _lo_ |

 **changbin** ✔: bye :)

_**incoming call from 'jisung'** _   
**accept?**   
**yes|no**


	35. 34

**jisung** : minho, reply to my messages

 **jisung** : answer my calls

 **jisung** : i'm sorry

 **jisung** : i care about you so much, that's why i'm being so tough on you

 **jisung** : please forgive me

 **jisung** : fuck

 **jisung** : i'm so sorry  
 _seen_

**minho** : who are you?

  
**jisung** : what do you mean? i'm jisung, your friend

**minho** : no, you're not my friend

**minho** : you're a fucking stalker, and you bring me down, insult me, and push me to my limits

**minho** : you're a fucking  
monster

**minho** : and i want you to stay away from me

  
**jisung** : i know you don't mean that

 **jisung** : and i'm not a monster

 **jisung** : i'm just like you

 **jisung** : see?

 **jisung** : *another grainy black and white pic of jisung*

  
**jisung** : and i'm really your friend.

 **jisung** : i love you, minho

**minho** : and i hate you

_**jisung has been blocked !** _

  
**jisung** : don't do this to me  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : you need me  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : minho, unblock me right now  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : minho!  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : unblock me minho!  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : minho!!  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : you'll regret this  
 _[message not received]_

***

**a/n:** how many people hate jisung rn?


	36. 35

_¡trigger warning!_

***

  
minho's fingers itched, twitching to grab onto something -- _anything_ \-- but he stayed still and firm on top of his bed, willing himself to remain motionless.

the cool air from the only window inside his room dawned on the surface of his skin, making goosebumps erupt all over. an icy chill settled upon his back and raced down his spine.

minho clenched his eyelids shut, and darkness filled every corner of his mind. he wrapped his arms around his form, hoping that the blankets around him would protect him from the bitter cold.

a sudden streak of lightning struck the outside of his room, illuminating the window, and when the first few rounds of thunder took place, minho's body started to shake.

his hands trembled as he fisted them over his chest, nails digging into his flesh as lightning struck again. the earthy smell of pounding rain invaded his nostrils, and minho tried his hardest to settle his excrutiatingly loud heartbeat.

thunder roared once more, and minho let out a scared whimper in response. his hands sprung up from his chest and settled over his ears, trying to block out all the unpleasant sounds. he'd always hated it whenever there was a thunderstorm like this one.

" _minho_..."

minho's eyes snapped open at the piercing whisper, darting every-which way to figure out where that terrifyingly familiar voice came from.

a hard lump formed in his throat when his gaze fell on an indistinguishable shadow that seeped through the opening his window provided. his eyes widened in terror, body paralyzed in fear as the shadow grew bigger, materializing into something more sinister, more _human-like_.

" _minho, you've been bad_..."

minho couldn't speak, and as the shadow drew closer and closer to his bed, his entire body trembled, but _yet he couldn't move_.

" _don't try to leave me, minho. you can't._ " a deep, full voice vibrated off the walls of minho's room as feathery light touches that felt so cold dusted over his arms, stroking over his cheekbones and stopping just beneath his bottom lip. " _you need me, minho. and i love you._ "

"j-jisung -- " minho slurred, unable to form an actual sentence as the shadow brought him closer and held him within its deathly cool embrace.

for some reason, tears started forming within minho's eyes, dripping down his cheeks a few seconds later.

" _awh, don't cry minho. a pretty face like yours doesn't deserve to cry._ " cold touches shifted underneath his eyes to wipe off the tears, and minho just couldn't _move way_.

his heartbeat rang so loud in his ears that it was the only thing he could hear, and his lungs felt like they were burning out. it felt _impossible_ to breathe, and his chest rose and fell uncontrollably as something unimaginably cool lightly ghosted over his lips, kissing them.

a fear so great consumed minho right then. his body convulsed and his head throbbed with so much pain and anxiety. he felt like he was drowning into an endless void full of _nothing_.

" _you can never leave me, minho. we're going to be together forever..."_

minho wanted to reach out and escape, but he was being weighed down, sinking lower and lower into the well of disasterous emotions that kept him captive.

_i can't..._

_i can't breathe._..

_i can't breathe!_

minho inhaled a large breath as he sat up on his bed, his body drenched with sweat and his chest heaving in a mismatched rhythm.

his eyes frantically searched his room for any signs of the shadow or _something_ that indicated that what he'd just experienced was real, but his room looked the same as it normally did. it was still raining as well.

even though minho knew that this was nothing more than a shitty nightmare, he struggled to push himself off his bed and look for his phone. as soon as his feet descended on the freezing floor, his knees buckled and he landed on the ground.

the headache came back again, and he groaned at the harsh pain that invaded all his senses.

 _my phone, my phone, where is my phone?!_ minho hurriedly thought, crawling around his room because his legs wouldn't allow him to stand up.

his heart was still beating rapidly, and the walls felt like they were closing in. he found it hard to swallow, like his throat was suddenly encased in an iron grip, and dark dots started forming at the edges of his vision.

"where is my phone?!" minho screamed to himself, sobs racking through his lips when he didn't see any sigh of his phone anywhere. the room felt _too_ dark, and he couldn't even stand up to turn on the switch. "m-my phone..."

hot tears ran down his face as he continued to aimlessly search for the one thing that could get him out of this mess, because he felt alone, felt like he was in _danger_.

a dim light flashed at the corner of his eyes, which alerted his attention, and suddenly his arms reached out to grab the phone that had been somehow positioned beneath his bed.

it was a missed call from seungmin.

with shaking fingers, minho unlocked his phone and dialed back his friend's number, pressing it to his right ear. tears of happiness left his eyes when the call went through, and his vision grew hazy when he heard the familiar timbre of his friend's voice.

"minho, are you okay? i was worried about you, ever since it started to rain, so that's why i decided to call you -- _minho_? minho, are you alright?"

minho hugged his knees as he continued to bawl, burying his face into his palms.

"minho, are you -- are you _crying_?"

minho couldn't answer. he just continued to sob, pathetic as always.

"minho, i'm coming over right now, you hear me? don't do anything stupid, okay? i'm heading over."

minho didn't reply. he just felt tired. so, _so_ tired of everything.

***

  
**a/n** : thoughts so far?


	37. 36

**jisung** : please, minho, unblock me  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : minho, don't do this  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : why are you being so stubborn?!  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : and after all i've done for you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : what are you doing tonight that is keeping you from unblocking me?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : minho, please dont do this to me  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : how many times do i have to tell you that i'm sorry?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : its really not my fault  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i just get so jealous and angry at times, and its something that i need to fix. i know  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i often times let my anger and other negative emotions get the best of me, and i'm so sorry  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i just want you to myself  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : you make me happy  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : you make me feel alive  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : its storming right now, but i cant even comfort you. and i'm sorry  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : sometimes i wish i could love you the way you deserve to be loved, and hold your hand, and take you out on dates  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : but i know that that's impossible  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i cant ever love you like that, i'm not even a good friend to you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : we cant ever be together like that  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : and it hurts  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : so bad  
 _[message not received]_

***

**a/n:** thoughts?


	38. 37

**jisung** : minho, i hope you're okay  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : wAIT, minho  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : !!!  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : you unblocked me!  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : oh my god, thank you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : thank you so much :')

**minho** : what do you want?

  
**jisung** : nothing, really

 **jisung** : i'm just

 **jisung** : i'm really really glad youre talking to me again

 **jisung** : i missed you so much  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : what are you doing right now?

**minho** : its none of   
your business

  
**jisung** : i'm just worried about you, minho

 **jisung** : we haven't talked at all for almost a week

 **jisung** : i was scared something bad had happened to you

**minho** : thats rich coming from you

  
**jisung** : look, minho, i already said i'm sorry

 **jisung** : and i'll say it a million times if you want me to

 **jisung** : where are you right now?

**minho** : like i said earlier, its none of your business

  
**jisung** : minho, dont start this again

 **jisung** : please, i'm just worried about you

**minho** : i tell you where i am and you have to do as i ask, deal?

  
**jisung** : ...deal.

**minho** : i'm at seungmin's dorm with felix currently. we're watching netflix and he's fallen asleep. 

**minho** : i'm staying at seungmin's for now because my friends dont trust me to stay by myself after what had happened during that stormy night, but to be honest, i dont feel as relieved as i should

**jisung** : why?

**minho** : my mind keeps coming back to you, and whenever i think of you i cant concentrate on anything

**minho** : you make me uneasy, and i hate it

**minho** : i want it all to stop

  
**jisung** : minho, what are you trying to say?

**minho** : let's meet up

**minho** : and dont you dare try to back out of this because i   
swear to god i will never talk to you again if you refuse

  
**jisung** : minho

**minho** : if you really love me, you'll have the courage to meet me face to face

  
**jisung** : minho i

 **jisung** : i cant...

**minho** : very well then, i guess i'm blocking you again

  
**jisung** : no! minho, please

 **jisung** : please minho, why are you doing this to me? i said i was sorry, and i really mean it this time. i dont want to scare you away, i dont want you to be afraid of me

 **jisung** : why are you making this so difficult?

 **jisung** : you're hurting me

**minho** : i dont fucking care

  
**jisung** : fuck, minho. youre literally making this so hard

 **jisung** : you're literally hurting my feelings right now. why?

**minho** : now you know how it feels

**minho** : if its too hard for you to decide, then goodbye jisung. it was nice knowing you

  
**jisung** : okay fine!

 **jisung** : i'll do it

 **jisung** : i'll meet up with you

 **jisung** : whenever you're free

 **jisung** : but just so you know, i'm only doing this because of you, and you alone. i care about you too much

 **jisung** : i dont want you to leave me  
 _seen_

***

**a/n** : some dramarama's coming in upcoming chapters uwu


	39. 38

**jisung** : hey minho, what are you doing right now?

 **jisung** : its pretty late right now but i cant sleep

**minho** : i'm currently alone in seungmin's dorm. the others are gonna get some pizza and then come back

**minho** : why did you ask?

  
**jisung** : i'm just really bored rn

 **jisung** : and i'm nervous as well, since we're going to meet each other this weekend after all

**minho** : you cant be more nervous than i am

**minho** : its like nothing can ever calm me down these days

**minho** : and why the heck am i telling you this

  
**jisung** : because you trust me?

**minho** : i don't trust you

  
**jisung** : ouch

 **jisung** : well anyway, i deserve that. i'm sorry

 **jisung** : i just wanna talk to you for a while. chan and jeongin are over right now, but they're doing something else

**minho** : please dont let them get a hold of your phone again. they freaked me out so bad, i couldnt sleep properly afterwards

  
**jisung** : i wont let them do that, minho

 **jisung** : not again

 **jisung** : i know its not my place to ask, but...how's it going with felix?

 **jisung** : and changbin as well

**minho** : felix still doesn't like me like that, and changbin and i are cool now, i guess

**minho** : i dont know. i dont wanna talk about it

  
**jisung** : i'm sorry that had to happen to you

 **jisung** : wish i could meet up with you right now to see how you're doing

**minho** : we'll have plenty of catching up to do when we do actually meet

**minho** : but first i'm gonna punch you in the face

  
**jisung** : oh really

**minho** : i'm serious. even if you turn out short and small or adorable looking with chubby cheeks or whatever, i'll still beat the shit out of you for all you made me go through

  
**jisung** : and then we can talk, right?

**minho** : sure, whatever

  
**jisung** : hope you won't avoid me afterwards  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : minho?

 **jisung** : what are you doing right now

 **jisung** : are you occupied?

 **jisung** : minho? answer me

**minho** : cant talk right now, my friends are back

**minho** : maybe we can talk later

**jisung** : wtf

  
**jisung** : not again.

**minho** : excuse me?

  
**jisung** : nothing.

**minho** : jisung i already said that we can talk later

  
**jisung** : as if.

 **jisung** : thats what you always say.

 **jisung** : enjoy your shitty pizza, hope it doesn't make you gain more weight than you already have.

**_jisung has left the chat !_ **

***

**a/n** : wont be updating as frequently right now since i'll be going out for a couple days

but expect the drama lmao


	40. 39

_**jeongIN has added chan97 to the groupchat !** _

_**jeongIN has added minho to the groupchat !** _

**minho** : who are you people?

  
**jeongIN** : we're jisung's friends haha!

**minho** : wait...

**minho** : youre chan and   
jeongin?

  
**chan97** : yep

**minho** : how the heck   
did you two get my number

  
**jeongIN** : we got it when jisung wasn't looking!

 **jeongIN** : isn't that pretty cool :3

**minho** : fuck

**minho** : please, leave me alone

  
**chan97** : but we want to talk to you

 **chan97** : we want you to stop pissing jisung off, or you're gonna be in big trouble

 **jeongIN** : yeah!

 **jeongIN** : what chan said :)

**minho** : i wasnt pissing him off. he's the one who's always finding ways to make me angry

  
**chan97** : well if you weren't being such a bitch then maybe he'd stop cussing you out

**minho** : excuse me?

  
**jeongIN** : CHAN! stop!

 **jeongIN** : i'm sorry minho, he's just a bit too overprotective!

 **jeongIN** : we just care out our sungie a lot

 **jeongIN** : we dont want you to hurt him

**minho** : well, i'm not talking to him right now so 

  
**chan97** : you keep on hurting his feelings, and we just want to warn you

**minho** : i didn't do anything though

  
**chan97** : yes you did.

 **chan97** : you keep shutting him out and its making him sad. and that pisses us off as well. whenever he's down we all go down

**minho** : well i'm sorry, but thats his problem, not mine

  
**chan97** : watch your back, guy

 **chan97** : we won't hesitate to step in if you keep hurting jisung

**minho** : are you threatening me right now?

  
**jeongIN** : yeah, we are

 **jeongIN** : but we dont mean any harm though!

 **jeongIN** : we just want you to stop being such a shitty friend to jisung :3

**minho** : BUT I'M NOT BEING A SHITTY FRIEND THOUGH

**minho** : you guys must be mistaken!

  
**chan97** : you wont want to mess with us

 **chan97** : if you dont behave we're coming for you  
 _seen_

 **jeongIN** : once again, we dont mean any harm, but we're just really protective over sungie  
 _seen_

 **jeongIN** : don't be scared of us  
 _seen_

 **jeongIN** : bye minho!!  
 _seen_


	41. 40

the air was dewy, and fresh, and it made minho all the more aware of how cold it actually was, even though it was nearly evening, and the heat should've came out by now.

he could feel the warmth building up on his cheeks as he pressed his hands firmly into the pockets of his long coat, his boots stepping across the snow covered pathways through town.

despite the freezing atmosphere, the sun was still present -- but barely so -- brightening up the sky in a dark peachy hue before finally disappearing into the horizon. bright purples and indigo blues swirled within the cloudless skies in a mess of vibrant shades, but minho couldn't for the life of him appreciate the magnificent view. no, he had somewhere to be right now.

he continued to walk, using the dimly flickering street lamps as a guide as he muttered apologies here and there when he bumped into strangers that loitered around the area from time to time.

leaning against an office building that had already closed for the night, he took out his phone, eyes surveying through the latest text messages between him and jisung.

**minho** : you're sure you're still coming, right?  
 _sent 11:17 pm_ _yesterday_

  
**jisung** : yeah, i am  
 _sent 11:18 pm_ _yesterday_

 **jisung** : you'll get to see me  
 _sent 11:20 pm_ _yesterday_

minho exhaled an almost tired breath, shoving his phone back into his coat pocket. he couldn't deny that he was looking forward to meeting jisung in person, and he didn't entirely know why.

he couldn't get the perceived image of how jisung might've looked out of his head. black, _maybe_ brown hair? kind of short? wide, happy smile?

minho didn't know why he was suddenly allocating all these features to jisung, but weirdly somehow, they _fit_.

he continued to walk, his steps speeding up into a light jog by now. the cool wind brushed against his dark hair and tickled his blushing skin. he couldn't control how hard his heart was beating.

for so long, minho'd envisioned how his and jisung's meetup was going to go, and now that he was _actually_ going to see the guy in real life for the first time, he felt a little bit more excited.

minho felt like he was going a little bit crazy when the first glimpse of a smile formed on his lips. it started to grow on his face, and he walked even faster along the roads.

he and jisung were set to meet up at a somewhat secluded spot. it was the bridge close to this foreign cafe that sold really nice baked goods, and the view the bridge gave of the sea was nothing short of gorgeous.

the yellow light from the streetlamps fell over the calm waves of the sea, giving it an appearance of molten honey, and the moon was on its way out as well.

minho's heart thumped quickly against his ribcage as he neared the bridge, not minding the way the breeze beat against his skin and slightly ruffled up the ink black strands of his hair.

his hurried footsteps decreased into a tense, cautious stroll the second he was within a meter distance from the bridge.

minho's heart raced even quicker when his eyes came across a figure that was perched on the bridge, arms folded over the railing and eyes admiring the holographic waves of the sea.

" _j-jisung..._?" minho whispered. before he knew it, his feet moved on their own accord, bringing him closer and closer to the unidentified male.

minho couldn't control himself. his heart felt like it was about to burst right through his chest when he placed a hand on the man's shoulder, causing the male to look up. he cleared his throat, eyes going wide when the other male met his gaze.

"a-are you jisu -- " minho froze, cutting himself off as his blood turned to ice.

a bearded, haggard looking man stared right back at him, his hooded eyes swimming with apparent confusion, and a little bit of agitation as well. his gaze sharpened as minho took rigid steps back, his lips turning into a frown.

"excuse me, sir? how can i help you?" the man asked, his hoarse, croaky voice a complete contrast with how jisung's voice sounded over the phone. minho couldn't believe it.

minho was speechless, and his head pounded once more, salty tears stinging his eyes. a wave of nausea, anxiety and a million other unbearable emotions punctured him at once, and his hands started to shake.

_jisung had lied._

"sir, are you... _okay_?" the man's gaze had softened now, but minho wasn't paying attention.

his mind buzzed with numerous, incongruent thoughts, and his heart felt like it was being suffocated. _he_ felt like he was being suffocated.

minhi didn't know why he'd kept his hopes up, didn't know why he actually _believed_ that jisung would show up. they'd agreed upon a specific time, and yet, jisung wasn't even there.

he'd _trusted_ jisung, and yet jisung had _betrayed_ him.

he _knew_ his anger was justified, but he didn't know why his emotions were so incorrigible, so _raw_. he didn't know why he'd become so sad, why hot tears started running down his cheeks and why his palms were literally shaking so much.

the man before him drew closer, attempting to touch minho as he was particularly sympathetic to the trembling male before him, but minho sprung back at the action, almost staggering on his own two feet.

"leave me alone!" minho yelled, unable to think properly. his mind was a limitless maze filled with nothing but turbulent emotions and rash decisions, and he _just couldn't make sense of it all._ " _stay_ away from me!"

before the old man could speak again, minho had turned on his heels, unable to see anything properly.

the cool nightly wind continued to beat down on him as he started to run, sobs leaving his lips. his vision had grown misty due to the build up of tears in his eyes.

 _jisung, you fucking liar_! minho's mind screamed as he headed down the sidewalk, his mind too much of a mess to take a deep breath and wipe his own tears away.

harsh headlights flashed before minho's vision at that second, the loud screeching of tires drowned out by the destructive noises in minho's head. his feet suddenly gave way and he fell, a sleek wetness building up beneath his body. all the noises in his head abruptly faded out into tiny beeps, and soon enough darkness became the only thing he could see.

 _i'm sorry_.

***

**a/n** : how's that for drama, huh?


	42. 41

**jisung** : minho, are you okay?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i can't get you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : minho?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i'm so, so sorry that i didn't show up  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i just couldn't, i'm so sorry. i didnt want you to leave  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i cant reach you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : please respond minho, i dont want to lose you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i dont even know where you are, i cant get you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : so much static  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : so much darkness  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i cant locate you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i hope you message me again. i want us to talk again  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i want to apologize to you, and i hope you'll forgive me  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i'm sorry.  
 _[message not received]_


	43. 42

_silence_.

it bounced off the walls of minho's mind, drowning and cradling him in an eternal slumber.

he couldn't move, couldn't feel _anything_. he was trapped, but yet, he felt _free_.

he was numb, paralyzed, but yet he felt like he was floating on clouds, finally able to _rest_. he felt like he was finally able to feel _content_.

beep.

the one sound impaled through the calming silence that had once encompassed his mind, shattering all the peacefulness into tiny, unmendable shards.

beep.

that sound came again, but it was much louder this time. it struck through the serene atmosphere, bringing about a startling realization that this moment wasn't going to last, that this moment wasn't going to be reality any longer.

 _beep, beep, beep, beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep_ \--

with a sharp intake of breath, minho's eyes snapped open. his chest expanded at the action, before caving in as he loudly exhaled. panic gushed through his veins at a rapid pace, and terror clouded his vision.

all he could see was white -- white room, white walls, white ceiling -- and his hands instinctively reached upwards and clamped themselves around his throat because he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.

a foreign hand shot out and grabbed onto his arm, restricting his movement.

"m-minho, you're awake!" someone spoke, and minho _should've_ recognized the voice, yet he was too focused on the hand that held him in place.

"mr. lee, it's going to be okay." the man who held him, a tall middle-aged doctor with kind eyes, spoke.

minho couldn't reply. his body felt frigid, and he felt deprived of oxygen. he felt like hiding away with all the worried yet relieved stares from his friends that fell on him at every corner, and his throat felt dry and parched. he must've looked like a mess right now.

"mr. lee," the man started again, but minho yanked his arm away.

"w-where am i?" he parted his cracked lips to ask. his voice scratched against the back of his throat, and he winced at the pain.

"you're in a hospital room. you got hit by a moving vehicle at night two days ago, and you lost some blood from your right arm and abdomen as well from the collision. nothing major though. you also passed out as a result of the concussion you obtained from the hit," the doctor explained as-a-matter-of-factly, since minho's friends were too shocked to speak.

minho _hated_ how they all watched him like he was some weak, helpless animal. he hated it so much.

he didn't reply to the doctor, instead focusing on regulating his rapid heartbeat. he _still_ couldn't breathe properly.

he wasn't at peace anymore.

"for now, you need to rest. your body is still recovering from the shock and..." minho blocked out the doctor's words, not even sparing his friends a glance as he fell back into his lumpy hospital bed, turning his back to the world. turning his back to everything.

he just wanted to experience that peace again.

***

  
many hours passed, but yet they felt like days melted into months bleeding into years. minho laid still on his bed, barely paying attention to felix, changbin and seungmin whenever they came to visit thim. he couldn't bear to witness the look on their faces.

 _you're such a mess_ , they must've probably thought, and he had to agree with them on that. he was an unstable, emotional mess that no one probably wanted around, and he always found himself in sticky situations that made him a liability to everyone else.

he felt hollow and dead inside, and no matter how much he despised that, he couldn't change how he thought of himself at that point in time. he felt nothing short of _empty_.

"...changbin..." he'd spoken out loud during his fourth day at the hospital at his friend. the shorter male was the only one who always stayed the latest with him.

it was evening now, and he'd just barely ingested his dinner.

"yes?" the male immediately replied, his voice betraying how worried he actually felt for the dark haired male. "are you okay?"

minho nodded, his pale hands fisting the material of his thin tshirt. "yeah, i am. i just want you to do something for me."

"...yeah?"

"can you get me my phone?"

at this, changbin froze from where he was seated on the chair across from minho's hospital bed.

"i..." changbin paused, "i don't think your phone's working again. you had it with you when that... _incident_ happened, after all."

but minho didn't want to hear any of it. he just knew that he wanted -- _needed_ \-- his phone, and that he needed it _now_.

"please get my phone for me, changbin," minho answered. he reached out his hand and placed it over changbin's own, interlocking their fingers. he felt the shorter male tense under his touch, and he internally chastised himself for using his friend's feelings for him to his advantage. " _please_."

jisung was right, he _was_ disgusting.

changbin inhaled a quick breath before clearing his throat. the tips of his ears grew pink, and minho became ridden with guilt. "i -- okay. i'll try and retrieve it."

minho flashed a small smile at his friend, noting the way changbin briefly tightened his hold on his palm. he didn't pull away though. "thank you."

"it's okay. anything for you."

minho felt emptier than ever.

***

  
**jisung** : good morning, minho

 **jisung** : i hope you're still doing okay  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i still don't know where you are  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : please reply  
 _seen_

**minho** : i'm here.

**jisung** : minho!

  
**jisung** : minho, are you okay?

**minho** : recovering.

  
**jisung** : i want to apologize for standing you up

 **jisung** : i'm so sorry

 **jisung** : i don't want you to push me away

**minho** : i fucking hate you, jisung.

**minho** : i despise you.

**minho** : you ruined my life, made me sad and angry at myself, and made me put myself in harm's way, just for you.

**minho** : you're so fucking   
bad for me.

**minho** : and yet i still keep coming back. 

**minho** : and i want that to end.

  
**jisung** : please don't leave me

 **jisung** : i'm sorry  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : you need me, and i need you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i'm incomplete without you  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : minho?  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : minho, please.  
 _seen_


	44. 43

minho couldn't sleep. his head hurt, his heartbeat was too fast, and he felt like he was on-edge.

he couldn't concentrate on anything but the darkness that surrounded him.

ever since he left jisung on read yesterday night, he'd been feeling so much tension in his body. he couldn't eat properly, sleep properly, and when his friends visited him, he never really paid much attention to what they were saying. he couldn't find the _peace_ that he so badly craved for.

minho opened his eyes, only to find out that the hospital room was just as dark as his mind. it was so dark that it looked eerie and ominous. his eyes darted to every corner of the room, wanting to know for sure if something, or some _one_ , was out there, _watching him_.

a silent breeze blew through the window, and for a second minho stilled, waiting for _something_ to happen next.

all of a sudden he quickly sprung off his bed, the soles of his feet hitting the hard tiled floors. his heartbeat was thunderous in his ears as he yanked the door to his room open, running out of it.

he could hear some commotion as he sped down the hall, but he never paid much mind to it. he couldn't when he _knew_ that _something_ was following him. something was chasing after him, and wanted to _harm him_.

a nurse called out for his name, her heels clacking against the shiny floors as she ran after him to try and catch him, but minho was determined _not_ to be caught.

he was in danger, and he wanted to be _safe_.

minho shouted out in fear as a hand latched unto his arm, trying to slow him down. he quickly shrugged it off, ignoring all the pleas for him to _stop running_ as he continued to race down the hall.

_he was going to die._

"hold him down!" someone shouted just as minho fell, feeling the wind being knocked out of him. he started to thrash around, wanting to be freed, because _they'd gotten to him and now he was going to die_ , but yet that firm force held him in place on the ground, preventing him from wiggling away.

_he was going to die._

" _let me go! leave me alone!_ " minho screamed, trying to pull his limbs away, but someone had brought them together behind his back, caging him. the cold tiles pressed against his wet cheeks, and minho started to sob. "leave me the fuck alone!"

 _you're safe with us_ , they said, but yet, minho couldn't bring himself to believe them. there were so many conflicting thoughts in his head, and so much _anxiety_. he felt nothing less than an unwilling prisoner that night, and the cage happened to be his _mind_.

_he was going to die._

there were so many voices surrounding him, telling him a million things at once, and minho _wanted it all to stop_.

_he was going to die._

he wanted everything to end.

***

_**1 unread message from 'chan97' !** _

**[chan97: we warned you not to mess with us]**

***

**a/n** : thoughts?


	45. 44

**jisung** : minho, what's wrong?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : why aren't you responding to my messages once again?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i'm so worried  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : what the heck did i do?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : did i piss you off again?  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : if i did, i'm sorry  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i say those words a lot now, but i mean them everytime  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i cant get through to you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : why do you keep blocking me out??  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i really hate it when you do that  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i really really really hate it  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : it drives me crazy  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : please minho, i need you. i love you so much  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : if you unblock me, i swear i'll tell you the truth about me  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i'll tell you everything.  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i miss you  
 _[message not received]_

 **jisung** : i'm ā ßhmelwn iķnsßàsß,, ghôsskw, ìbm ñßøt rəĺàaow ahjajaqjqho2me.-.,92aaaaaa  
 _ **[¿¿¿error!¡¡!]**_

 **jisung** : ïmnsbjő soeuŕřý  
 _ **[¡¡¡erroé¡¿¿¡]**_

_**[¿ë¿rrøŕrt¡¡¡¡]** _

**_[? ? Ə R R O Ř ! !]_ **

**_[ERROR. . . .]_ **

***

**a/n:** what is going on??


	46. 45

"...minho, we need to talk."

minho turned over on bedroom bed, only to see felix beside the door, fiddling nervously with his thumbs. honestly, he wasn't surprised that he came, as his mother was particularly fond of him and she thought he was a good influence on her son.

but that didn't mean he wasn't slightly irritated that she'd allowed felix to enter his room without informing him first, no matter how intensely his heart sped up at the younger male's presence. ever since he'd been discharged from the hospital, he'd spent his days at his mother's house, using his body's gradual recovery as an excuse to miss his college classes and barely communicate with his friends. he never touched his phone either, and most of his days were spent inside his bedroom, thinking about nothing as the hours passed by.

he stared at felix, forcing his expression to remain blank as his eyes took in the younger's flustered state.

even when felix was nervous, he still incredibly beautiful. and minho hated that he couldn't control, and get rid of the feelings he had for the australian.

"can i come in -- i mean," felix cleared his throat, "can i sit next to you?"

minho just nodded his head yes, before lethargically sitting up so his back would press against his bedroom wall. even that minimal action took a lot of effort on his part, as he felt so _tired_.

"what do you want to talk about?" minho asked, keeping his eyes glued on his bed as felix sat down next to him. he took notice of how his palms started getting clammy.

"i... i'm sorry," felix started, biting hard on his lip. he looked like he was mentally fighting himself concerning something, and minho instantly picked up on it. "i wanted to apologize."

minho locked gazes with him. "...apologize for what?"

if it was even possible, felix looked even _more_ nervous.

"fuck, minho -- i'm so, _so_ sorry. i'm sorry for what i made you go through for so long, and i'm so sorry i didn't realize it sooner."

a chill ran down minho's spine. his throat suddenly turned dry. "what... what are you talking about?"

felix clenched his hands into fists, looking away from minho's eyes. "i'm sorry that i can't return your feelings. i'm so sorry."

"what?" minho's eyes widened.

  
at this, felix looked up. something in minho's expression must've daunted him, because in a second his ears grew red and he started stumbling on his words.

"please don't be mad, minho. i -- i'm _so sorry_. y-you're such a wonderful friend to me, and you're an amazing person who deserves someone who will love you unconditionally. i'm so sorry that i can't _be_ that person."

the walls of minho's bedroom felt like they were caving in, and suddenly, he experienced that all too familiar feeling of not being able to breathe.

felix's eyes grew wide in fear, and he placed his hand on top of minho's. "minho -- "

minho pulled his hand back. "who told you?"

"minho, i -- " felix began, but minho interrupted him.

" _who_ told you?" minho surprised himself by how firm and angry his voice was. he sounded _furious_.

felix bit his lip, clearly taken aback by minho's brash tone. "...changbin."

"fuck," minho whispered, hurriedly running a hand through his dark locks. he tugged at the strands.

"i'm sorry," felix said again, his tone sympathetic, and that only made minho even _angrier_ with the situation at hand. he felt like all this wasn't fair to him in the slightest.

"you couldn't have chosen a worse time to talk to me about this," minho stated, his voice unnervingly stoic. his hands started to shake, and even when he clenched them they still continued to tremor.

"i'm sorry -- "

" _stop apologizing!_ " minho exclaimed, startling the younger male. "stop it. i was already having a shitty day, and now you've made it a _thousand times worse_. just stop it, felix. stop it..."

felix winced at this, and his face grew a stark red in shock and embarrassment. "i-i didn't _mean_ for that to happen, minho. i just -- i just wanted us to talk things out -- "

"so that you can see how much of a pathetic idiot i am for still loving you even though you'll _never ever_ have feelings for a fucking mess like i am!" minho replied, his face getting red hot with anger. tears cornered his vision, and once more minho felt utterly _pathetic_. he felt so pathetic.

"i really didn't mean that, minho," felix tried to reason, but minho wasn't listening to him anymore. he felt his friend's comforting touch on his trembling fist, but yet it stung so _badly_. "minho... please stop crying."

"you'll never love me."

"i _do_ love you, minho."

"not like that," minho replied, sniffing and wiping off his tears with his free hand. the ringing silence that came afterwards pained him more than anything else ever would. he felt like a sore loser.

"i'm sorry..."

"i told you to stop saying that," minho muttered, all the fight completely leaving him. even when felix didn't say anything, he got the answer loud and clear.

 _he'll never love you, not with how much of an unstable mess you are. he'll never ever ever ever love you_.

"minho..."

he looked up at the australian with glassy eyes, his mind conjuring up a thought that sounded so _absurd_ and crazy, but minho figured he had nothing to lose now. if he got rejected, then so be it.

"felix?"

"yeah?" the red haired male replied, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

"can you kiss me? if you agree... i promise i'll never bother you with my feelings anymore."

minho's hands were shaking so badly now, and his heartbeat accelerated when felix took those hands in his, stroking them to try and rid them of their tremors. goosebumps rose along minho's arms just with his mere touch.

"i'll kiss you," felix replied, and minho didn't know whether to feel relieved or heartbroken.

when the younger's lips touched his, it was everything and nothing like minho'd imagined at the same time. felix's lips felt wonderful against his, and a fragile warmth bloomed within minho's chest just as felix softly carded his hand through his hair, tenderly caressing his cheek afterwards. fireworks sparked like glowing stars as soon as minho closed his eyes, and numerous butterflies excitedly flew around in his stomach. he felt _amazing_ , falling deeper and deeper in love, but yet he also felt dread because he knew that none of this was real. he was the only one who experienced this addictive, beautiful euphoria, and felix was just fulfilling his end of their deal.

 _felix was just kissing him because_ _that was what he was told to do_.

the kiss lasted shorter than minho had wanted it to, but yet he knew he couldn't complain. felix was just doing his part of the bargain, and _now_ it was minho's turn to try and forget how felix made his heart flutter a million times over.

"i'm really sorry," felix murmured. when he hugged minho, minho's eyes pricked with unshed tears. "i'm so sorry."

oh how minho hated those three words so much.

***

**a/n** : lol, thoughts?


	47. 46

**jisung** : minho, hi

 **jisung** : i cant get a lead on where you are right now, but i'm sure you're okay

 **jisung** : i believe that you're okay.

 **jisung** : sorry about the previous messages

 **jisung** : they were a ģļïťčh  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : and its something that i hope i can get to explain to you whenever you're ready to listen  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i just hope you can hear me out  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i've treasured every second we've spent together, and i know youre tired of me always saying this  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : but i really don't want you to leave me  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : you taught me how it felt to be alive, to be human  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : and although i've been a very bad friend to you, i hope that you'll be willing to listen to my explanation and accept my apology  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : i need you, minho

**minho** : and i don't

**minho** : and i'm sorry, but i dont think i want to hear whatever you want to say

**minho** : not anymore

  
**jisung** : just let me explain

 **jisung** : please

**minho** : no.

  
**jisung** : why

**minho** : because you won't be seeing me anymore

**minho** : goodbye.

**jisung** : minho, what do you mean by that??

**jisung** : minho

**jisung** : minho, please reply

**jisung** : minho!

**jisung** : minho...

_**jisung has been blocked !** _


	48. 47

_¡trigger warning!_

***

  
"mom," minho called out to the woman in the kitchen that chilly saturday night, "i'm going out."

minho's mother stuck out her head from the kitchen, pulling out her baking gloves from her hands. her expression showcased both curiosity and questioning.

"really? okay. but where are you heading to?"

minho tried hard to swallow the lump in his throat. "i just want to get some fresh air. after all...you've been telling me how i need to get out more as of late."

at this she laughed, albeit a little tiredly. "i did. well, okay then. have fun! are you going to meet seungmin and the others?"

minho's left hand shook at that moment, but he clenched it and shoved it into his jean pocket before his mother could catch sight of it. she had a bad habit of being _too_ curious for her own good.

"...not tonight."

minho couldn't look his mother in the eye, because he feared he'd breakdown right there and then if he did. before he could think twice about what he was going to do tonight, he clicked open the door to his house and stepped out, letting the cold wind engulf his entire body.

his steps down the graphite steps were hurried, and despite the way his legs felt like jelly, he just couldn't cease his movement. it was like he was on autopilot, relying majorly on the plan he'd thought of for quite a while now to dictate all his steps.

minho knew where he was heading like the back of his hand. it was the perfect destination to clear his thoughts, as it offered both secrecy and a serene atmosphere. he was _certain_ he wouldn't get interrupted there.

but soon enough, like always, contrary thoughts and feelings started ebbing their way into his mind.

 _what if you fail? what if you get disrupted? are you really going to do this? what about your mother? what about seungmin, changbin and felix_?

minho didn't have anything else to say to those thoughts other than that he was sorry, and extremely apologetic for being so selfish tonight and being so set on partaking in something that was irreversible.

 _i'm so sorry_.

minho found it bitterly _ironic_ how he was uttering those three words that he'd came to hate with every bit of his being like a mantra inside his head, but yet he couldn't stop himself.

minho stopped walking as soon as he'd gotten to where he was going, his shoes scraping harshly against the muddy lumpy soil of the ground.

up ahead, there was a cliff, one minho used to visit quite a lot when he was a kid, as he'd been quite the dare-devil when he was younger. he'd sneak out of his house at night with changbin and come here, both of them wanting to see how far they could walk over the high cliff before they were in danger of falling off the edge.

as both him and changbin grew older, their visits gradually lessened as life grew harder and their responsibilities increased. but now, here minho was back again.

"i've missed you, old friend," minho spoke, his voice raspy, barely above a whisper. he sounded so weak and fatigued, very much unlike the way he used to be when he was younger. minho chuckled lightly at how things had changed.

minho started to walk again, not stopping until he got closer to that edge. it was _definitely_ a lot more unstable now, sand and uneven rocks falling off of it with every step minho took. far below it was the sea, its dark waves twisting and rolling over due to the harsh currents.

wind whipped against his hair and clothes, but for once, minho didn't care about the cold it gave off. he actually liked it, as it made him feel _numb_.

he started to walk again, his footsteps more tentative and careful this time. he wanted to end it all on his own terms, _not_ because he happened to fall victim to an unlucky accident.

for a few heartwrenching seconds, he imagined how his mother would react once she found out that he was gone, and never coming back. would she cry over him? or would she be finally relieved that she didn't have to see her failure of a son any longer?

and what about his friends? would they be sad over his death? or would they be happy he wouldn't be there anymore to ruin their day?

minho guessed that the latter part was right. he was doing the _right thing_ by doing this. he'd finally be _gone_ , and find that _peace_ that he wanted so badly, and no one would have to suffer any longer because of his presence.

the dark waves continued to dance over the sea, as if they were welcoming him. as if they _knew_ that his time had come, and that they were ready for him.

 _i'm sorry_.

minho thought about jisung, who was always apologetic to the end. a tear ran down his eye.

the right pocket of his jeans started buzzing repeatedly, but minho just ignored the feeling. he ignored everything else, focusing only on the static noise inside his head.

"i guess this is it, then," minho said. he forced a smile on his face, thinking about the days he never used to fuck up his life so badly. he wished he could go back to those days -- days when he didn't purposefully starve himself, days when he didn't push everyone away and wasn't a pathetic shell of his former self -- but he guessed it was too late now.

"wait!"

minho's heart raced at the voice, his eyes glued on stormy sea below him. his hands began shaking again, and he wanted to _scream_.

_what now? why couldn't he just end his life without any interruptions?!_

more tears escaped his eyes, but before he could jump, the voice spoke up once more.

"please... _please_ don't do this," the voice pleaded with him.

minho's nails dug into his palm, giving him an excrutiating amount of pain, but yet he didn't stop with the action.

"leave me alone!" he spat. he started sniffing, his heartbeat loud against his ears. the sea's waves continued to rage on, parting themselves as if they wanted to accept him before it was too late.

"i -- i don't know what you went through that resulted in you coming to this decision to... to end your life, but i just want to tell you that it isn't worth it," the person continued. "your life is extremely important. _you're_ extremely important, _please_ don't jump."

" _i said leave me alone!_ " minho answered, adamant on not turning around. he wanted whoever was behind him to _leave_ and never come back, so he could finally end his shitty life once and for all.

"i'm afraid i can't. i won't be able to live with myself if i did that."

minho's nails drew blood as he quickly shook his head, hurried sobs leaving his lips. "y-you can't m-make me."

"maybe i can't. but i _can_ help you realize that you're alive for a reason. that there's _so much_ you can do with your life, so much you can _achieve_." slow steps drew closer to minho as he continued to cry. "you've already come _so far_ , so why give up now?"

"you don't -- you don't even _know_ me," minho said. it was so hard to speak for the dark haired male, as the lump in his throat had grown the size of a boulder that constricted his airways.

"i don't," the voice replied, calming and kind, "but i _do_ care about you, even though we've just met. i care about you enough to know that you don't deserve to end your life."

by now, minho could feel the person's presence not too far away from him, but yet, he didn't -- or _couldn't_ \-- move.

"someone out there cares about you, you know? they're probably thinking about you right this second, wondering if you're safe and sound, wanting to make sure that you're _okay_."

minho's shoulders dropped, and he bit roughly on his lower lip. his head felt all fogged up, and nothing he thought of made any sense. "no one cares about me. you don't know anything."

"i have a sister. well -- i _had_ a sister. she committed suicide, purposefully driving in the wrong direction on the road, crashing into another car in the process. it would've been seen as an unfortunate accident had it not been for the letter she'd left for me..." the male behind him spoke, trailing off at the end of his sentence. "she...she thought she didn't deserve anyone, and thought i didn't care about her. but i _did_ , and i still do. _i_ _still do.._."

minho sniffed, wiping off his tears with the back of his hands. his mind had gotten a little bit clearer now, but yet the _noise_ still remained. he couldn't stop it or block it out.

"i beat up myself over it for years, wondering what could've changed if i'd called her enough and did all that i could to let her know just how _much_ she meant to me," the male spoke, and even though minho wasn't facing him, it was clear his sister's death affected him greatly, as his voice had grown more forlorn, as if he trying his hardest to hold back his tears.

minho didn't say anything -- he _couldn't_. he just stood there, letting the wind hit him and wanting nothing more than to find a way to end his suffering.

that buzz in his jeans appeared again, but once again, minho paid no mind to it. a hand softly grasped unto his elbow, and suddenly his legs felt like they were going to give way.

"please, let's go back," the male told him.

minho blinked away his tears as leaned into the male's touch, all his will to fight leaving him behind. he didn't think he could _do_ anything anymore. he didn't _want_ to do anything either.

 _i'm so sorry_.

minho felt like he was failing himself by letting the male slowly drag him away from the cliff's jagged edge, and once more hot tears stung the back of his eyes.

"you're freezing. i'll hand you over my jacket, since it's warm." the male quickly spoke, and minho barely reacted when the thick material of the jacket was gently wrapped around him, shielding him from the biting cold. warmth cloaked him, and some of his nervous energy seeped away.

"i don't know where you live, and considering the state you're in right now, i don't think you'd want to meet anyone you actually know," the male continued to speak. when minho looked up, he got a better view of how the stranger looked like. soft, silver-like hair and a beaming smile greeted his vision, along with kind eyes and a heart-shaped face. "you can stay at mine for the night. i promise i'm not a kidnapper or anything."

minho continued to stare as the male helped him across the clearing, and when the guy finally locked eyes with him, he looked at the ground instead. he heard the stranger chuckle a little bit to himself.

"...i'm kim woojin, and although our meeting _could've_ happened under better circumstances, i still won't mind it if we become friends."

minho kept his eyes locked on the hard ground, trying to keep his shaking palms in place. his heart was still beating quickly, and his head was pounding with a _thousand_ thoughts at the moment that threatened to suffocate him, but with the male's comforting presence, he felt a little bit more relaxed.

"...i'm minho."

***

**a/n** : thoughts?


	49. 48

**chan97** : okay minho you are really starting to piss us off  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : what is wrong with you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : what the fuck are you doing to jisung?  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : we told you not hurt his feelings, and now you went ahead and did THIS  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : i don't know why he's so attached to you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : i fucking hate it when he always comes back to you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : why'd he have to get so attached to you?  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : and now, you had to pull this stupid stunt  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : he's so dependant on you now, he literally wouldn't have made it if you'd gone through with what you did  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : and i hate that  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : i wish you could just get rid of yourself without jisung ever getting involved.  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : you'd be doing us all a favour  
 _seen_


	50. 49

_[_ _tuesday; 8:15 pm]_

  
**jisung** : minho, i'm so so sorry for what chan said to you

 **jisung** : i'm really sorry

 **jisung** : he gets so angry at times, and i'm sorry he took his frustrations out on you

 **jisung** : please reply

_[thursday; 6:18 pm]_

  
**jisung** : minho, i hope you're okay

 **jisung** : i heard you've returned back to your dorm and started back your classes

 **jisung** : that's good

 **jisung** : we havent talked in a while though

 **jisung** : hope you aren't angry at me

_[monday; 5:55 am]_

  
**jisung** : minho, please reply to my messages

 **jisung** : what the heck are you doing that doesn't make you have time for me?

 **jisung** : it's getting on my nerves

 **jisung** : i can't get through to you

 **jisung** : you keep ignoring me

 **jisung** : this isn't nice minho

 **jisung** : fuck

_[wednesday; 4:32 pm]_

  
**jisung** : minho, stop doing this

 **jisung** : you barely talk to your friends, but yet you still keep ignoring me

 **jisung** : this isnt fair, you're making me sad

 **jisung** : i hate that you're being like this

 **jisung** : its affecting me negatively

 **jisung** : why dont you want to text me?

 **jisung** : and whenever i call, you dont ever pick up

 **jisung** : you're making me angry

_[sunday; 10:45 pm]_

  
**jisung** : i fucking hate you, lee minho

 **jisung** : i hate you so much

 **jisung** : i thought we were friends, and friends arent supposed to ignore each other

 **jisung** : but i guess not

 **jisung** : hope you fucking die

_[friday 7:18 am]_

  
**jisung** : minho...

 **jisung** : please reply to me

 **jisung** : please stop this  
 _seen_

**minho** : stop what

  
**jisung** : you keep pushing me aside and ignoring me, and i dont fucking like it

**minho** : right.

  
**jisung** : you're really pissing me off, you know that

**minho** : i don't care

  
**jisung** : stop being so stubborn, its pathetic

 **jisung** : you know you need me, so stop trying to prove that you don't

 **jisung** : you'll just keep coming back  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : dont start this shit again

**minho** : you're so incredibly tiring, and i don't want to talk to you anymore

**minho** : so leave me the   
fuck alone

  
**jisung** : you cant get rid of me

 **jisung** : i'll always be there

**minho** : fuck off jisung

**minho** : and stay out of my life

**minho** : i dont need you, and i never will

**minho** : get that into your thick skull

**jisung** : you do need me

**jisung** : you're just too weak to realize it

**jisung** : without me, you're nothing. no one else can put up with your bullshit, except for me

**jisung** : no one can ever love you like i can

**minho** : shut up

**jisung** : you know its the truth :)  
 _seen_

  
**jisung** : dont try to leave, you cant get past me that easily  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : remember, you'll always come back in the end  
 _seen_


	51. 50

minho chewed on his lip as he stared at the phone his hands were fiddling with. the hard wall dug uncomfortably into his back, and the floor felt too cold to be seated on, but minho couldn't care less.

he felt like a mess, and although that feeling was one he was already all too familiar with (unfortunately), this time he was _tired_ of feeling that way. he was tired of the same repetitive and negative emotions that threatened to swallow him whole, and he just wanted it to _end_.

minho felt like giving up once again, but this time, he knew for sure that he _couldn't_. he couldn't give in into those thoughts -- those _urges_ that pleaded with him to get rid of himself so that he can finally stop feeling so sad and angry all the time -- no matter how hard it got.

minho knew he couldn't let his friends see him like this, so lately he'd been avoiding them as much as he could, mostly because he didn't want them to see how worse he'd gotten. the only person he actually talked to as of recent was woojin, and though the male wasn't as close with minho as seungmin, changbin and felix were, minho still felt like he could talk more freely with the older about whatever went through his head. the older male was comforting like that.

minho barely moved when his phone buzzed with several text message notifications at once, as he was well aware of who exactly was sending them. but as usual, he ignored those texts, carding his fingers through his hair to try and make himself a little bit more relaxed, even though it proved fruitless as he felt _too_ much anxiety at the moment.

minho hated how weak and susceptible to his emotions he could be. he hated it _so much_. when had he turned into such a _freak_? why was he behaving like this? why was he so moody _all the time_?

another message entered his phone. it was from jisung, once again. minho didn't even bother looking at it, as he knew the message would only dampen his spirit. jisung only ruined his mood and mentally tortured him, and now minho had had enough.

**_1 unread message from 'jisung' !_ **

**[jisung** : **fucking answer me minho or i swear you'll wish you were never born]**

  
minho suddenly found it hard to swallow. it felt like all his organs were being deprived of the oxygen they needed to survive, and he felt like any moment from now he was going to throw up.

his unstable fingers almost dropped his phone as he pressed on the call app, wildly searching through his contacts for a specific name. his mind raced, his head pulsating with a growing migraine. he felt like he was in danger.

_**1 unread message from 'jisung' !** _

**[jisung** : **i'll fucking kill you, minho. if i can't have you, no one can]**

  
minho's fingers trembled just as he dialed woojin's number, inhaling large breaths at a time because he felt like he'd lose consciousness if he didn't. his lungs felt they were being crushed into tiny little pieces, so much so that breathing became an action that _hurt_.

his migraine surrounded his head, pounding against it. a blinding heat flashed behind minho's vision, and he felt like he was being burnt alive.

"...minho?" woojin's voice seeped through the receiver, but minho could barely hear him with all the commotion that took place inside his head. "minho, are you okay?"

minho sniffed, his eyes prickling with a new set of tears. those tears prevented him seeing properly, and no matter how much he wiped them off, they still didn't go away.

"minho," woojin's voice was more urgent now, obviously picking up on the unmistakable sound of the younger male crying.

"i want to die," minho replied, his voice sounding absolutely _defeated_.

"no, minho. don't say that. you _can't_ die," woojin answered. he sounded alarmed, and minho immediately felt horrible for ruining the older's evening.

"but what if i want to?"

"you're _not_ going to do it, okay?" woojin said, "there's no way i'm going to allow you to. i'm heading over to your college, meet me at the front. _please_ don't do anything impulsive, okay? i'll try and get to the school as quick as i can."

minho slowly nodded, even though he didn't feel like doing anything strenuous right now. "...okay."

***

  
minho exhaled a shaky breath as he and woojin were cooped up at one corner in front of a 24/7 convenience store, staring at his full plate of uneaten kimbap on the table in front of him.

he couldn't bring himself to eat anything, as he'd lost his appetite.

he relaxed his body into the soft material of woojin's coat, relieved that he wasn't feeling as cold as he previously felt anymore.

"you should probably eat some of it," woojin spoke, pointing his chopsticks at minho's food. "i bet you're hungry."

"i'm not hungry," minho cringed at how frail he sounded. he stared into the store, observing the people that walked around the area, generally oblivious to his and woojin's presence. "i'm just really tired."

"all the more reasons for you to take something. at least a bite," woojin gently instructed. when minho looked at him, he smiled, even though his eyes conveyed that brief emotion of worry.

minho felt like gagging as he placed one roll of the kimbap into his mouth, slowly chewing it before forcing it down his throat. his stomach whined in protest, and once again he felt like he was going to throw up. he _hated_ feeling like this.

woojin hummed, satisfied that minho was at least making an attempt to eat the food, and after he witnessed the younger male slowly eating his third roll, he decided to finally speak.

"earlier tonight, you told me you wanted to die."

minho swallowed hard, not anticipating whatever the silver haired male was going to say next. "i did."

the worry in woojin's eyes grew. "you remember what i told you before, right?"

minho nonchalantly shrugged, internally groaning because of the fact that they were going back to this conversation again. "i did, but i'm _fine_."

"minho -- "

"woojin, i'm okay. i just felt a little bit sad, that's all."

"minho, you would've been _dead_ by now if i hadn't be there that night to stop you," woojin argued, and the younger male winced at his bluntness. "i'm sorry for being so harsh, but it just needs to be said. we've only known each other for a short period of time, but i _do_ actually care about you, minho. and i care about you enough to know that you _deserve_ to feel better about yourself. you can't keep doing this to yourself."

minho's heartbeat grew quicker. "i'm not getting into therapy, woojin. i'm not fucking crazy."

"i know you aren't crazy -- _you're far from it_ \-- but i've heard the things you've told me, minho. and i know you need some support. i hate seeing you so sad all the time, and i don't want to lose another person that means so much to me. not again."

minho couldn't stop the numerous thoughts that weaved themselves into his mind. thoughts of talking about his destructive thoughts with some faceless, emotionless stranger and being forced to ingest pills that were supposed to 'make him feel better' planted themselves inside his head, and minho despised the image they painted.

he couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how his friends and family would react if they found out he was visiting some therapist because he had _supposed_ mental issues.

he wasn't crazy. no, he definitely _wasn't_.

"minho..." woojin spoke, alerting the dark haired male's attention.

"i -- i _can't_ ," minho replied. "i don't want to."

"i just don't want you to put yourself in harm's way again."

"trust me, i _won't_." minho took out his phone, wanting to check the time when yet another text message popped in.

**_1 unread message from 'jisung' !_ **

**[jisung** : **if i'm going down, then you're coming with me. i'll make you regret ever ignoring me]**

***

**a/n** : this chapter was pretty bad, i'm sorry

thoughts?


	52. 51

**jisung** : *pic of minho on his dorm bed*

  
**jisung** : this is you waking up in the morning to check your phone. i know you read through several text messages that are sent to you at that time, but you purposefully decide not to reply to any of mine.

 **jisung** : *pic of minho in his dorm*

  
**jisung** : and this is you inside the livingroom of your dorm.

 **jisung** : once again, you have your phone beside you, but yet again, you decide not to check it whenever i call or text you.

 **jisung** : *pic of minho at a cafe*

  
**jisung** : on the weekends, you usually visit this little cafe in town to think for a bit and get some coffee, and most of the time, your other friends aren't around when you do so.

 **jisung** : you really like being alone, don't you?

 **jisung** : *pic of minho writing something down*

  
**jisung** : and this is a picture of you at your mother's place, as you visit her more often now

 **jisung** : at least, more than you usually used to.

 **jisung** : and this is a shot of you in the kitchen yesterday night, helping her out.

 **jisung** : *pic of minho in the kitchen*

  
_seen_

**jisung** : you've got no choice but to reply me now, minho

 **jisung** : or else i'll do even worse.

**minho** : where did you get  
those pictures

  
**jisung** : oh now you decide to text me back

**minho** : i swear i'm not kidding with you jisung where the fuck did you get those pictures?

  
**jisung** : i have my sources

**minho** : you're taking this  
too far jisung

**minho** : what the fuck  
do you want from me?

**minho** : why are you invading my fucking privacy like this???

  
**jisung** : because i dont fucking like being ignored

 **jisung** : so stop being such a bitch and start replying to me again

**minho** : well i dont want to

**minho** : fuck off jisung

  
**jisung** : i'll do much worse if you keep being so goddamn stubborn

**minho** : you do nothing but piss me off and ruin my mood, so gtfo of my life

  
**jisung** : *pic of minho with his cat*

  
**jisung** : earlier this afternoon at your mother's place, you took this picture with one of your cats.   
_seen_

 **jisung** : crazy thing is, you never posted it online on any social media sites  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : so how come i got this picture, you ask?  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : well guess what, you'll never know  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : and it seems to me you've been gaining back the weight you lost  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : tsk.  
 _seen_

 **jisung** : now i bet you look a lot less desirable to your many admirers.

**minho** : i fucking hate you,  
han jisung

  
**jisung** : your words have no effect on me anymore.

**minho** : i'll freaking   
report you

**minho** : i'll ruin you

  
**jisung** : not if i do so first :)

***

**a/n** : okay honestly, i was supposed to end this book quite a while ago as i never expected it to have so many chapters, but ideas just keep coming

and this book makes me less stressed ig

anyway, thoughts on this so far?


	53. 52

**hyunjin**

  
**hyunjin** : hey minho :)

 **hyunjin** : what's up?

**minho** : i'm uh, i'm good

**minho** : thanks for asking

  
**hyunjin** : are you doing anything right now?

**minho** : uh nope

**minho** : it's the weekend now, so its basically a lazy day for me haha

  
**hyunjin** : that's super great then!

 **hyunjin** : a couple of students from our dance classes, along with felix and i, are going out to go get some fast food or something later tonight

 **hyunjin** : its for some bonding experience, and i think it'll be great if you came along as well

 **hyunjin** : felix would've told you himself, but he was feeling nervous for some reason..?

 **hyunjin** : did something happen between you two?

**minho** : _its none of your_  
 _business_ |

**minho** : _its none of_ |

**minho** : nope

**minho** : why'd you ask?

  
**hyunjin** : its cause you guys seemed so close, but now you guys rarely spend time together

 **hyunjin** : i just wanted to know if something was wrong, since you seem like a nice person and all

 **hyunjin** : i'd actually like for us to be friends

**_jisung has entered the chat !_ **

**jisung** : get the fuck out of here with your fake sympathy, its not needed

  
**hyunjin** : wait, what?

 **hyunjin** : i don't know what you're talking about

**minho** : _jisung, shut up_  
 _and leave!_

**jisung** : you need to stop it with your texts, because i can   
gladly do without it

**jisung** : i don't like you at all, and whenever i see you with   
felix, you piss me the fuck off

**minho** : _JISUNG STOP!_

**jisung** : and i certainly wont like to come to your shitty   
gathering and watch you be all up over felix, you smug bastard

**jisung** : you make me sick

**minho** : _jisung go away_  
 _i swear to god!!_

  
**hyunjin** : i didn't mean for you to feel that way

 **hyunjin** : i'm so sorry

 **hyunjin** : felix and i, we're just friends

 **hyunjin** : i didnt know you felt that way about him

**jisung** : you're nothing   
but a liar

**jisung** : i hope you choke  
on oxygen and die

**minho** : _jisung, please leave_

**minho** : _leave!_

  
**hyunjin** : okay what the fuck is wrong with you, what the hell did i do?

 **hyunjin** : why the heck are you so pissed off at me? because i happen to hang out with felix sometimes?

 **hyunjin** : this literally isnt fair

 **hyunjin** : i thought you were a chill guy. i thought we could be friends and get along

 **hyunjin** : but i guess not

**jisung** : goodbye, you   
werent needed anyways :)

_**jisung has left the chat !** _

**minho** : i'm so sorry  
hyunjin.

  
**hyunjin** : wow.

**minho** : i really am.  
 _[message not received_  
 _because user has now been blocked]_

***

**a/n:** thoughts?


	54. 53

**_jeongIN has added chan97 to the groupchat !_ **

**_jeongIN has added minho to the groupchat !_ **

**minho** : what tf do you guys   
want from me now?

**minho** : are you going to   
shout at me? or fucking   
warn me?

**minho** : or are you gonna start hating on me for 'pissing   
jisung off'? is that it?

  
**chan97** : shut up and listen to what we have to say

 **jeongIN** : we mean business now

**minho** : well leave me out of it, i'm not talking to jisung again, and thats because he's been the one ignoring me

**minho** : so get lost

  
**chan97** : you should really watch what you say when you talk to us minho

 **jeongIN** : you're only going to make us angrier at you

 **chan97** : and we already don't like you

**minho** : i dont care

  
**chan97** : want to know a secret?

 **jeongIN** : chan was the one who got those pictures for jisung  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : he was asking for them really badly,

 **jeongIN** : and he trusts chan enough to deliver on his promises

**minho** : what the hell? how  
the fuck did you get those pictures of me?

  
**chan97** : i've got eyes everywhere minho

 **jeongIN** : and together we know where everyone is

 **chan97** : at the

 **jeongIN** : same

 **chan97** : time

 **jeongIN** : are you confused?

 **chan97** : well dont be

 **jeongIN** : because we'll never tell you why

 **chan97** : we only look out for jisung

 **jeongIN** : and since you aren't jisung

 **chan97** : you

 **jeongIN** : better

 **chan97** : watch

 **jeongIN** : your

 **chan97** : back

 **jeongIN** : :)

**minho** : what the hell did i do? why are you guys so set on scaring me like this???

**minho** : i didn't  
do anything  
to you!

**minho** : why cant everyone  
just leave me alone!!

  
**chan97** : you messed with jisung,

 **jeongIN** : that's what you did wrong

 **chan97** : and we always avenge our loved ones when they've been treated wrongly,

 **jeongIN** : so i guess we'll be

 **chan97** : meeting you soon

 **jeongIN** : >:)

 **jeongIN** : but dont be scared or anxious

 **chan97** : we dont bite

 **jeongIN** : maybe  
 _seen_

 **jeongIN** : goodbye minho :D  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : sweet dreams  
 _seen_


	55. 54

minho truly felt scared _for_ his life.

as the week slowly progressed on, he couldn't find it within himself to actually get some sleep at night, ridden with so much insomnia and restlessness, and during the day, he felt so, _so_ tired that he feared he'd pass out during one of his classes and never wake up again.

but sometimes, the possibility of falling asleep and never waking up didn't seem like a bad prospect in itself, as minho literally felt so _drowsy_ and lethargic at times.

it got even worse when all he could feel was an unsettling dread that only grew inside him as the days painstalkingly went by. he was on edge, and obviously so. every passing second felt like a step closer towards whatever might have been out there that wanted to _capture him_ , and eveywhere minho went, he felt like he was being _watched_.

it was absolute _torture_.

"this place is pretty nice, isn't it?"

minho's mind snapped back into reality as he eyes fell on his friend's observant pair, and he absentmindedly nodded, his fingers nervously fiddling with the straw connected to his coffee. it was hard for him to hide how shaky his hands had gotten again, but he hoped that somehow seungmin wouldn't notice it and comment on it.

"i thought it'd do you some good to take you out of the dreary college setting for a bit, at least to clear your mind for a while," seungmin spoke, smiling at minho when the older just nodded.

"uh, yeah. thanks." minho cleared his throat, staring at the way his fingers continued to play with the straw, anxious and jittery. he dropped his hands from the table when he noticed seungmin's gaze on them.

his friend looked worried, but it was clear he was trying his hardest not to address the elephant in the room, just like how he felt it'd be best for minho to go out into town with him for a bit, because he felt like the awkwardness between minho and changbin and felix was getting too much.

minho _knew_ all of this, and that only made him feel worse about himself.

"...are you okay?" seungmin finally decided to ask.

"yeah, i am," minho replied, even though he knew his answer couldn't be more further from the truth. he barely looked after himself now, his creamy skin had turned a sickly pale shade, and he never cared about what he wore anymore. at certain times, he just felt like a living, breathing bag of flesh and bones, and there was nothing that excited or cheered him up anymore.

"minho, please be honest. i care about you. _felix and changbin_ care about you. you've literally lost _so_ much weight, and we have to try _so hard_ to wake you up for your classes at times," seungmin started, and minho bit the inside of his cheek so hard he felt the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. "you barely talk to us as well, and always stick to yourself now. i just want to know why."

"i said it's _nothing_ , seungmin," minho spat, furrowing his eyebrows. his friend's eyes widened at his hard tone, but minho was too caught up in his unstable emotions to notice a thing. he just suddenly felt so _angry_. " _nothing's_ wrong with me. why do you keep asking me that? is that the reason why you brought me to this cafe in the first place?"

"no, i -- that's not the reason, minho. i'm just _worried_ about you," seungmin answered, shock tainting his words.

minho sighed, leaning back into his seat. "well i'm fucking fine, seungmin. stop being so worried."

seungmin became silent for a few seconds, and minho felt that dull pang of guilt again.

"i'm sorry for pissing you off, minho. it was never my intention. i just _really_ care about you, you know?" seungmin began, his voice quiet. "i don't know what happened, but you've become so _sad_ , minho. sometimes -- sometimes you look like you're _so_ close to _crying_ , and that always affects me."

he slid a hand over the table, clasping it over minho's, and he looked much more relieved when the older male didn't pull his hand away. "i just want you to be okay."

minho nodded, hating how sorrowful his friend sounded. before he knew it, he was wiping his eyes with the back of his free hand, looking away to hide his face from seungmin's line of vision.

"minho?" seungmin questioned. his soft, and undeniably understanding tone only drove more tears out of the dark haired male's eyes. in an instant, the taller left his seat and took the one closest to minho, glad that they were currently at the corner of the cafe so they'd be free from any wandering eyes.

"minho, why are you crying?" seungmin asked, but minho didn't feel like he was in the right state of mind to answer him. he was such a _mess_ , really, crying like a child inside some cafe just because his friend said he wanted him to be okay. he felt absolutely _worthless._ miserable.

minho's mind was like an empty shell, cracked and broken without any means of repair. he felt like he was too destroyed to ever be fixed, and anything he did only added to how utterly _defeated_ he felt.

seungmin held his hand again, squeezing it to show that he was _there_. "i won't pressure you to say anything, but just know that i'll always be there for you. you mean so much to me, and i hate seeing you like this..."

"i'm sorry," minho whispered. he couldn't say anything else.

"it's okay."

minho didn't feel like it'd ever _be_ okay.

***

  
as soon as minho was done with taking his shower that night and exited his small bathroom, he got that distinct feeling of being _watched_.

those supposed eyes burned holes into his skin, following him _everywhere_. they were aware of every one of his movements, judging him, waiting to _strike_.

minho's heart started beating rapidly inside his ribcage. he decided on not staying inside his bedroom tonight, since he didn't feel _safe_ there, but when he camped inside his livingroom, that eerie feeling only seemed to amplify.

minho's skin felt like it was burning up the more time he spent inside his dorm, and everywhere he looked, he felt like something was hiding there, waiting for him to let his guard down.

goosebumps rose along his arm, and even when he'd turned on the tv to watch a movie and pass the time, those bumps didn't go away.

a cold chill engulfed him whole, and his eyes never dared to stay in one place for too long. why was his dormitory suddenly so _dark_?

minho sprung up, marching towards his windows to lock them and pull the curtains shut. but even with this, he felt like he was being scrutinized.

 _something_ was out there, staring at _him_.

minho walked around the dorm, checking to see if there was any window opened or if any door was unlocked. after he'd done this, he found himself checking everything all over again. it was a repetitive cycle, one that irritated him to no end -- but yet he just _couldn't_ stop checking.

he heard a small click.

minho's head pounded with a million thoughts as he ran back into the livingroom, chest heaving and nerve endings alive, as he felt like if he didn't move fast enough that _thing_ that was coming after him would eventually catch him.

minho's head was filled to the brim with so many thoughts at once, that it made it excrutiatingly difficult to form an actual thought process. all he knew was that he needed to get out of his dorm before that _something_ caught up to him.

other college students stared puzzledly at him as he ran down the halls, his mind too much of a mess to apologize to anyone he bumped into. he just kept on running and running, his legs leading him to a place on their own because he couldn't even _think_ properly.

as soon as he got to his destination he knocked on the door, hoping with every single bone in his body that the person would open up and let him in before that thing chasing him could get to where he was.

as soon as the door was clicked open, minho forced himself in, hugging the male in front of him to death while pressing his face on his chest.

" _m-minho_?" visible confusion and surprise clouded the male's tone, but despite this, his arms wrapped around minho as well, bringing him in. "minho, what's wrong?"

minho was too shaken to respond with anything to changbin's question, squinting his eyes shut to try and block out all the _shouting_ in his head. so much danger surrounded him, and he just wanted to feel secure. _safe_.

"fuck, minho, i'll -- i'll get you a glass of water, okay?" changbin spoke, his eyes showcasing nothing but worry, and a bit of sympathy as well for his friend. he ran a hand through the older boy's dark locks, taking note of how much he was shaking. small beads of sweat had formed on his forehead, and he looked so pale and panic-stricken. "you can tell me what happened later, alright?"

minho could only nod in the slightest bit. he was too _out of it_ to dwell on reality for too long, basically missing the way his friend hesitated for a while, before softly placing a kiss on his forehead. minho just wanted all those feelings of endangerment to fade away and never come back.

he wanted it all to _stop_.

changbin couldn't get anything out of him that night, as his presence had calmed him down so much that he fell asleep almost an hour inside his dorm.

ignoring the curious stares from his roommate, changbin brought minho into his own bedroom to lie on his bed, watching as the older male tightly clutched his pillow close to his body, his breathing shallow and uneven.

changbin could only hope that minho would eventually end up okay, and possibly tell him what had happened to him earlier that night.

***

**a/n** : i've actually felt really paranoid before, guys, so this chapter was really weird for me to write haha

  
thoughts?


	56. 55

**chan97** : did you enjoy our little show?  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : it was fun, wasn't it?  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : i hope you weren't scared too much  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : stop being a coward and reply to my messages  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : or are you being like this because i'm not jisung?  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : fine, don't answer then  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : but i hope you've learnt your lesson  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : jisung still talks about you, you know? for whatever reason  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : and whenever you piss him off he always gets immensely affected  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : and jeongin and i don't like that  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : we hate how attached he's become to you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : we hate it a lot  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : why'd he have to get mixed up with someone like you?  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : he always talks about how much he loves and needs you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : but i just think he's fucking delusional  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : jeongin and i hate you for doing this to our friend  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : and now we're forced into doing his bidding because we care about him too much.  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : we're forced into going along with his stupid ideas  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : all because of you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : you're bad for him, but yet he cant see that  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : and it just makes us angrier at you  
 _seen_

 **chan97** : stay the fuck away from him, or you'll regret it  
 _seen_


	57. 56

_!trigger warning! (if you're sensitive to things like bleeding and acts of self-harm, then please proceed with caution.)_

***

  
there was something oddly calming about silence, especially one that made you unaware of time or reality. it was just you, alone with yourself and your mind. there was nothing else, only those things.

minho had grown to appreciate silence. as a kid growing up, he'd never been a huge fan of it, as it always meant that something chaotic was going to arrive soon; like the calm before the storm. noise was a daily occurrence in his life back then, complete with so much shouting and reckless behaviour galore, and that was all the younger minho ever knew.

but now, he loved the quiet. he _needed_ it to stay sane, to function properly.

with his head absent of so many of his usual invasive thoughts, his mind felt _clear_ for once. he felt like he could finally rest.

the coldness of the bathroom tiles seeped into minho's pale skin, but yet minho paid it no mind. his body felt an ice marble, as his dorm's bathroom had always been particularly cold during winter, but he barely moved from his spot on the floor.

the door was locked, blocking him out from the outside world, and minho was more than okay with that. he didn't want any disruptions. he just wanted to be alone.

his eyes fell on his exposed arms, blankly observing the way his previously healthy skin had turned a deathly pale shade, the surface rough and dry. his wrists were thin, their joints more pronounced than ever, but minho couldn't find it within himself to care.

he didn't even _feel_ like himself. everything he saw felt distant, like he was watching this unknown person through a camera lens, observing how they were gradually breaking off into _nothing_. the body he was staring at had nothing substantial left, only sunken skin and brittle bones, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

but suddenly, minho didn't pay much attention to his body any longer, as something else had caught his eye.

a shiver ran down his spine, one that made tension arise in his body and trigger his fight or flight response.

that familiar feeling of being _watched_ presented itself again, and minho groaned, messily tugging through the strands of his dark hair. he _didn't_ want this to happen, he just wanted to be by _himself_. but why was that so _hard_ to achieve?

"leave me alone," minho spoke, hugging his arms around his knees. even that small action took quite a bit of effort on his part. "please let me be..."

that _thing_ watching him didn't listen though, and minho became agitated. he gritted his teeth, fisting his hands inside his hair.

"go away!" he exclaimed. silence was the only response he was given, and he felt livid with anger. why couldn't he just be left alone? why was all this happening to _him_? what did he do to _deserve_ this? "i said go away!"

a shadow materialized at the corner of the bathroom, slow and patient, and minho's blood ran cold. panic flowed through his veins, but his terror kept him in one place. he _couldn't move_.

the shadow kept growing bigger and bigger, kept being more and more visible to minho, and the dark haired male felt more frightened then he'd ever felt in his entire life.

a face painstalkingly formed on the shadow's head, pale and ghastly, and drew closer and closer to where minho was. minho started inching away, but when his back collided with the wall, and he couldn't do anything else.

the face stared down at him, its dark hair revealing equally as dark eyes, and their recognizability made minho all the more petrified.

" _j-jisung_?" minho stammered.

 _jisung_ moved closer, his pale face expressionless. he looked exactly like he did in his unclear pictures with his round, hooded eyes and childlike features, but unlike those pictures, his presence ignited nothing but _horror_ within minho.

he felt like jisung was going to _harm_ him.

"go away! please, leave me alone! i-i'm sorry i ever ignored you. p-please don't hurt me!" minho begged, trying to crawl away. his body felt heavy, like some heavy gravitational pull was keeping him stuck to the freezing floor. " _p-please_..."

jisung moved quicker, preventing the dark haired male from escaping by caging him in. he held out a hand, one that was thin and pale -- just like the rest of him -- and placed something inside minho's shaking palm.

the danger, anger, and _pain_ jisung exuded was _just_ _too much_ for minho, and instantly tears sprung from his eyes, threatening to spill over when he caught sight of what was in his hand.

it was his phone.

_**incoming call from 'jisung'** _   
**accept?**   
**yes|no**

  
jisung's gaze pierced into his skin, burning holes into his skull. his aura radiated nothing but danger that threatened to engulf minho whole.

minho stared as his phone continued to buzz with the incoming call, not wanting to pick it up at all. his intuition was telling him to _run away and never come back_.

jisung stepped even closer, and minho's skin grew ice cold when his fingers suddenly wrapped around his neck, unexpectedly choking him with a force that was _too great_ to be human.

minho's eyes widened as he fought for himself to be released from jisung's hard grip. a sharp pain pricked his neck and he let out a loud yelp in response.

jisung's hand was preventing him from breathing properly, and he placed his own hands over jisung's, trying with all his might to free his neck.

his legs twitched as he struggled to retain some oxygen, and black spots danced around his vision as jisung held his phone up to his face, staring at him with his dark pair of eyes as if he was taunting him.

_**incoming call from 'jisung'** _   
**accept?**   
**yes|no**

  
minho's stomach flipped over just as he messily pressed on the _yes_ button, and his lungs felt like they were in flames when jisung suddenly let him go, his dark eyes surveying minho as he pressed his own phone to his light coral shaded lips.

 _ **"sorry i had to do such a thing,"**_ jisung's voice exited the speaker from minho's phone, as the dark haired male struggled to breathe normally again. his voice was low and confident sounding, just like it had always been when he and minho used to talk, but right now, instead of feeling comforted, minho felt _sick_. _**"you were being too stubborn, as always."**_

minho's chest rapidly rose and fell, and his hair felt damp, pressed against his forehead. nervous beads of sweat at gathered at his temple, and his heart was skipping _too_ many beats to be okay.

 ** _"i'm so sorry i scared you, minho. i was just too excited to meet you today,"_** jisung giggled. a cheery smile formed on his face, one that seemed _too_ nice to be real. **_"tell me, am i what you expected me to be? are you happy to see me too?"_**

minho was too exhausted to answer. his eyes drowsily searched the bathroom for an opening, or some sort of escape route that would help him get out of this place before jisung _actually_ killed him.

by now, most of jisung's body had grown more _human-like_ , so he just looked like normal male with pale skin clad in a dark jeans and a black hoodie. but he was anything _but_ normal. he sat down in front of minho, grinning excitedly at him like a child, his gummy smile on display.

 _ **"come on, answer me minho,"**_ jisung spoke into his phone. _**"are you happy that i'm here? i was so glad when i could finally reveal myself to you, since you've been wanting me to do so for a long time. i even made myself look presentable, even though chan and jeongin thought i was being crazy."**_

minho didn't know how to respond. he felt _so afraid_. he wanted to leave this place, but jisung was _too_ close to him. if he acted impulsively, the male before him could easily give him a painful death.

 _ **"why aren't you answering me?"**_ jisung asked, his tone demanding. _**"do you want me to force you into doing what i say again?"**_

"n-no. i'm sorry..." minho mumbled.

 ** _"why do you sound so tired? are you sad that i'm here?"_** jisung questioned. _**"you're such an ungrateful, worthless idiot at times. it makes me sick. why can't you stop acting like a dumb child for once?"**_

minho's shoulders sunk, but he tried his hardest not to let himself cry. he couldn't afford to cry in front of someone like jisung.

 ** _"minho, answer me."_** jisung's voice had grown even deeper -- almost _demonic_ \-- and it terrified minho to no end.

his eyes stared around the bathroom again, racking his brain for some sort of plan that he could execute, even though his body felt _so_ tired. his eyes landed on his sink, but before jisung could notice anything, he stared at the floor.

_**"minho, i swear to god -- "** _

"can you get me that small container over there? it has my toothbrush and toothpaste in it. i want to brush my teeth."

for the first time ever, jisung looked speechless. _**"...what?"**_

"you're... you're gonna be here for a while, right? might as well make myself comfortable on the floor," minho spoke. bile rose in his throat as he tried to swallow his saliva, and he forced a smile over his face when his and jisung's eyes locked.

jisung's expression mirrored one of blankness for a while, and for a couple of seconds, minho felt as if jisung had seen through him and caught his lie. but the male promptly stood up, heading to the nearby sink to grab the little container. he passed it to minho in record speed, as he was aware that minho could try to escape through the bathroom door if he wasn't quick enough.

"so...what do you want to talk to me about?" minho asked, trying to will all his nerves away. he didn't want jisung catching on to any suspicious behaviour that could expose him.

 ** _"anything, really. i just want to hear your voice,"_** jisung replied, smiling once again. it unsettled minho how he could be so _happy_ one second and then turn so dangerous at the other. it was like jisung had multiple personalities combined into one.

but, minho wasn't _ever_ going to wait to discover the rest of them. he was ready to risk it all to ensure his own safety, and to end everything once and for all.

"...start talking, jisung. tell me about your day," minho said, his eyes glancing at the contents the container held. inside it were his toothpaste and toothbrush, of course, but there was also _something else_. minho gulped.

 ** _"well... my day wasn't bad in the slightest. mostly because i knew i was going to see you tonight,"_** jisung answered. his dark round eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, and minho felt lightheaded.

the dark haired male lightly nodded. he slowly fisted his right hand over and over again, making sure it wasn't asleep.

when he looked up though, he saw jisung's eyes on him. he let out an empty, cold smile that held no substance. "jisung, i want to ask you a question."

 _ **"of course you can, minho."**_ jisung looked relieved that minho was finally coorperating with him for once. _ **"what is it?"**_

"what _are_ you, jisung?"

at this, jisung's body froze. he let out a nervous laugh. he spoke into his phone, _**"what do you mean by that, minho?"**_

"before, you told me you were going to tell me what you were when we could finally talk again, so now i want to know." minho took out the toothpaste and toothbrush.

_**"i'm afraid i can't really answer that."** _

"so you're a liar, then."

 _ **"i'm not."**_ jisung furrowed his brows together. his anger and frustration basically led him to miss the way minho's palm clenched over the thing in his hands, waiting to strike. _**"i'm really not, minho. i just don't want you to leave me."**_

minho's lips lifted up into a calm, sarcastic smile. "...right."

**_"i care about you too much minho. i need you in my life, and i don't want to scare you away."_ **

minho's jaw clenched. in less than a heartbeat, he yanked out the razor blade in his grip, digging it into his flesh to form a rough, jagged line. thick red blood splattered from the opening, and jisung's eyes widened in fright.

_**"minho! what the hell are you doing?!"** _

"i don't need you in _my_ life, and i sure as hell do not care about _you_!" minho cried out as drove the razor deeper into his wrist, breathing like a madman at the pain and agony it cost him. his hands were slick with bright red blood, and his fingers trembled at the sensation, but yet minho just _kept on slicing_.

jisung stood up, running towards minho. he forcibly grabbed the razor, throwing it aside. but the blood kept on coming. _**"m-minho, what have you done... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"**_

minho stared right at jisung, an eerie sense of smugness taking over him at seeing all the blood that left his body. the liquid soaked his clothes, and ran down his left arm like a crimson waterfall.

jisung's shocked expression would become one that would be forever engraved into his memory.

"i hope i never see you again," minho whispered, his tone dripping with nothing but venom despite how sleepy he was getting.

although his actions would cost him his life, he was glad he would never have to deal with any of this again. he would never have to deal with _jisung_ again.

now, he was finally _free_.

minho smiled, closed his eyes, and let the sleep take over him.

***

  
**a/n** : hi hello *lenny face*

thoughts on this?


	58. 5

pitch black was all minho could see. he felt like was floating, drifting through an endless sea of lifeless darkness. he couldn't make sense of anything, and all his thoughts were practically nonexistent.

for that moment, he felt infinite, timeless. _peaceful_. serene.

he was free of any disturbance, of any feelings which showcased upcoming doom, and for that, he was grateful.

but suddenly, he felt caged. imaginary cuffs laced around his wrists, restricting him from his unhibited drifting. gravity enclosed its grip around his skin, pulling and pulling and _pulling_ him lower.

and lower.

 _and lower_.

but minho _wanted_ to be released. he wanted to be freed, to escape once more into that vast darkness that made him experience that feeling of weightlessness and _liberation_ he so greatly desired.

he wanted to _float_ again.

from the darkness, he made an ungraceful descent into a blazing light, one that made his head throb with an incoming headache. the light flashed in front his eyelids, forcing his eyes to open despite minho not wanting them to.

minho felt trapped once more as a searing gleam irritated his eyes, exposing his irises to a white so dazzling, it made his headache increase by a ten-fold.

dryness ravaged at his throat when his dry lips parted for a sharp intake of oxygen, and his body was confined to one spot. his wrists felt locked in place, and suddenly minho didn't feel so _limitless_ anymore.

he was alone, but minho didn't _feel_ alone.

tiny beeps entered his eardrums and pounded their way into his head, and his tired eyes drifted to his left wrist, which had been heavily bandaged, iv drips connected into the pale skin.

 _no_... minho couldn't believe it.

no no no no no.

he couldn't believe he was alive. he couldn't believe that he'd done all that -- that he'd slit his wrists -- all for _nothing_.

_NO!_

the hoarseness in minho's throat worsened when a dry sob left his lips. his lungs felt compressed as he struggled to breath, hyperventilating at the fact that he was still alive, that he was _saved_.

why did this always have to happen to _him_? why couldn't he just end his life and be done with it _once and for all_? why did he _always_ have to be _rescued_?

minho would have reached out to tear the bandages covering his wrists had he not felt completely and utterly worn-out. he wanted to dissociate from everything, but yet he didn't even have the _energy_ to do that.

the door opened with a click, but minho didn't bother looking up. he wanted to block everything out, to make himself believe that he was actually _dead_ right now, but the faint beeping of the heart monitor next to him testified another thing entirely.

"mr. lee, we're so glad you've woken up," a cheerful female voice etched itself into his brain, and a lump formed inside minho's throat at the emotional pain he experienced right that second.

he _didn't_ want to wake up, but yet those people made him to. why couldn't they just _let him be_?

when minho glanced up, he was met with a woman with silky, long black hair and a gentle smile on her face. in her hands held a clipboard, and a shorter lady stood next to her, her outfit signifying that she was a nurse.

"you were extremely lucky, mr. lee, especially with the amount of blood that you'd lost. your body went into shock and you'd passed out in your bathroom as a result, but fortunately a friend of yours had managed to call the ambulance on time," her smile widened into a grin, showcasing her pearly whites, but her eyes looked sympathetic. minho immediately loathed her.

"nurse kim will be checking your vitals to see if everything is okay," the female doctor continued to speak, but at this point in time, minho wanted to drown her voice out.

he was silent as the whole thing took place, trying his hardest not to push the nurse away when she touched his body and exchanged the iv for a new one. when the short nurse was done, she left the room, leaving minho and the doctor behind.

"...i know you probably don't want me to talk about this," the doctor, dr. yang, started, her eyes trained on minho's blank face, "but when you arrived at the hospital, we notice you'd...slit your wrists. would you mind telling me why?"

minho bit hard on his lip. the headache inside his head grew, engulfing the back of his head entirely. irritation swirled within him, and his dry throat did not make things any better.

"it's none of your business," minho replied.

dr. yang paused, before speaking up once again. "but, mr. lee -- "

"you've done your deed as a doctor, right?" minho interrupted, glaring at her, "you saved me, and prevented me from dying. that's _enough_. you have no right to ask about anything else. i'm not going to answer you."

despite his harsh tone, the doctor still looked at him with pity in her eyes, and that enraged him even further.

 _stop looking at me like that!_ minho's mind shouted, since he was too weak to say it out loud. the headache spread across his forehead like an uncontrollable forest fire, and his eyes stung with tears at the sharp flare of pain.

"mr. lee," the dark haired doctor began again. "would you like to speak to anyone? our visiting hours aren't open yet, but you look like you need someone to talk to. perhaps that friend of yours would do?"

minho's head perked up at her words. "who...who called the ambulance for me?"

"a man by the name of kim woojin. he was with another set of people when the ambulance arrived to pick you up, and with the way he acted all the way to the hospital, we could tell he cares about you a lot."

by 'another set of people', minho _knew_ she meant his other friends seungmin, changbin and felix. at that moment, he felt ashamed, because now he knew they'd witnessed him at his lowest point. he didn't want to face them now as a result.

"can you get woojin for me?" minho asked, all the edge leaving his voice. he wanted to see the male so badly, and finally wanted to talk to him about what had been bothering him all this time.

"i will do that, mr. lee."

"and also, tell him...tell him to bring my phone along. that is, if he has it with him."

***

  
minho felt nothing but relief when woojin entered the room he was in, his eyes widening when they came across the younger male.

he was dressed casually -- in a maroon sweater and dark jeans -- and in his hand held the phone the belonged to minho.

"minho," he breathed out once he sat down at the singular chair beside his friend's bed. "how -- how _are_ you?"

"okay," was minho's response. despite a nurse giving him a glass of water previously, his throat still felt like sandpaper.

"that's... that's _good_."

"no it's not."

 _silence_.

"minho -- "

"i don't wanna talk about what happened," minho said. he gestured to the phone in woojin's hand, and when the older male passed it to him, he turned it on. "i just want to explain some things to you."

"alright," woojin answered, pursing his lips.

before long, minho was looking through his phone with his uninjured hand for all the text messages between him and jisung. he was finally going to reveal everything to woojin, and all he could hope for was that the male wouldn't think of him as _strange_ after this. he didn't know what he'd do with himself if that happened.

when he got to the first ever texts sent to him by jisung, he passed the phone to woojin.

"the reason i've been like this is because i've been driven to my wits end because of this person, or _thing_ \-- i don't even care," minho started, chewing on his lower lip. "the person, han jisung, he's been... _harassing_ me, bringing me down. whenever i tried to stop talking to him, he'd always threaten me, along with his friends..."

woojin started looking through the texts, his eyes contemplative at first. as those texts progressed though, the expression in his eyes changed into one that was unreadable.

"i...i fucking _hate_ him, woojin. i-i hate him _so much_. he's the reason why i've become so... so mentally and physically unstable. he's _ruining_ my life." minho's cheeks were hot as tears ran over them. "he's why i decided to do what i did. i just don't want to see him anymore..."

"minho, i..." woojin started. his eyes locked with the younger's, his lips parting to say something but not being able to do so in the end.

"what? what is it?" minho asked. "do you think i'm crazy? is that it?"

"n-no," woojin stuttered. he let out a huge sigh. "i... minho..."

"woojin, just say what you want to say. spit it out!"

"there aren't any texts on your phone addressed to someone with 'han jisung' as their name." woojin faced the phone towards minho, his expression dimming. "you've -- you've been texting yourself _this whole time_."

minho grabbed his phone from woojin's grip, his hands shaking wildly as his fingers scrolled through the messages. "y-you're _wrong_ , woojin. jisung's here. he's _here_!"

"minho -- "

"he's _here_ woojin! he's right here! can't you see?! h-he's been texting me ever since school started!" minho exclaimed. he started hyperventilating again, and several thoughts coursed through his head at once. "he's fucking there woojin! _why can't you see that?!"_

the door opened, and a nurse stepped in.

"is everything alright?" she asked.

"minho, _please_ listen to me," woojin tried to plead with the distressed male, but minho was still looking through the messages, trying to show all of the texts to him.

"woojin, he's here! can't you read those texts?! why can't you read them?! they're _right here_ goddammit!"

"mr. lee, you need to calm down," the nurse spoke, heading to where minho was. she looked at woojin. "sir, i think you need to leave."

" _no_!" minho shouted. "woojin's not _leaving_ until he's seen the texts! can't you see them too, nurse?! they're _there_! right there!"

"sir, please leave," the nurse told woojin.

"i-i can't leave him like this..."

"why aren't you two _listening to me_?!" minho questioned. he was crying _so hard_ now, his vision fogged with unrelenting tears. he wanted to scream, wanted to kick or throw something against a wall. he fucking _hated_ that this was happening to him. "the texts are right there! t-they're right there!"

the nurse placed a hand on minho's shoulder, saying words to him that he couldn't even hear, trying to coax him into calming down.

"minho!" woojin shouted just as the latter clamped his right hand over his left wrist, trying to tear off the bandage keeping everything in place. "minho, stop!"

"call a doctor, quick!" the nurse commanded woojin, trying to hold minho in place.

 _woojin, don't leave me_ , he thought just as he spotted the silver haired male running out of his room. _please_...

his body grew limp just as a doctor made his way to him, and he blacked out a second after that.

***

  
**a/n** : thoughts?


	59. 58

minho's plate of food sat untouched on the table before him when he'd entered inside his hospital wing's cafeteria that afternoon. beside the food was a tall glass of orange juice that he'd only taken a sip from, and even with that his stomach had protested hugely against it. he just didn't _feel_ like eating anything today.

he didn't talk to the other patients around him, and they didn't talk to him either. some of them had heard about the fiasco that had happened in his room the day before, and as a result, a majority of them steered clear of him. but it wasn't like minho cared anyway.

he'd stopped caring about anything a long time ago.

minho was expecting his mother to visit this afternoon, after a long talk on the phone last night about what had happened that resulted in minho ending up at the hospital. he'd felt a little guilty when he'd heard her crying over the phone, _especially_ when he reluctantly shared the details about what had taken place in the bathroom.

he'd told her _everything_ \-- from his and jisung's first meeting, to _now_ \-- because he no longer felt like he had anything to lose. he didn't _care_ about anything anymore, and he felt numb to whatever judgement his mother might've harboured for him at his words. at that point in time yesterday night, he didn't _care_ if he sounded _crazy_ or delusional. he really didn't care.

minho softly dug his fork into his plate of salad, slowly twisting the utensil to at least _look_ like he was attempting to eat something. he didn't want any of the nurses passing by and reprimanding him for not eating his food.

just as he pierced his fork into some lettuce, a person sauntered in through the doorway, their footsteps quick and light.

"minho," the person spoke, alerting minho of their presence. it was his mother.

her face brightened into a huge smile as she took the empty seat in front of him, placing her hand on top of his own. her touch was comforting, but yet minho couldn't help but tense up.

"how are you feeling right now, minho?" she asked him. minho looked into her nearly identical pair of brown eyes, wanting to see if he could spot any sign of pity, and a relieved sigh left his lips when he could find nothing.

"normal," minho stated. he stabbed his fork into the salad, finally leaving the shiny utensil alone. he stared at his and his mother's interlocked hands. "i'm sorry for putting you through so much trouble."

"it's okay."

"it's not _okay_ , mom. stop saying that," minho shook his head. "i'm a mess, and i'm pretty sure you can see that. you don't have to lie."

"minho..." his mother's grip over his hand tightened. "stop beating yourself up. no matter what, i'll always love you, just like i always have. there's nothing you can do that will change that."

"i'm crazy."

"you're _not_ , minho. you're not..." his mother whispered. she brought out her handbag and placed it on the table. "i -- i've been meaning to tell you something, but i never had the courage to all these years. i thought it was just a coincidence when you..." she trailed off, her shoulders set as she zipped the bag open.

"when i _what_ , mom?" minho questioned, eyes big. "what were you going to say?"

a cold chill descended over the exposed parts of his skin when his mother opened her mouth to say her next words.

"let's talk about your... _dad_."

he swallowed hard. blurry, quick images of his drunk father exerting all his anger and rage on him and his mother hurriedly shifted through his mind. "i don't want to talk about him."

"i'm sorry. i don't want to talk about him either... but you _need_ to know this," his mother replied. at this point, her palms were lightly shaking, as if she was afraid of saying what she was planning on saying next.

minho raised an eyebrow. "mom. _please_."

"your dad wasn't a good father, but...i'm sure you know that already. as well as being abusive, he was manipulative as well," his mother continued, keeping her eyes glued on the table. her dark curly hair fell down her shoulders in waves.

minho was well aware of the many deeds his father had committed before he finally went to prison. of course he'd know, as _he_ was the main reason why his father got arrested in the first place.

minho couldn't remember what his father had done to him that night exactly, but he _could_ recall the way his father had came home drunk off his ass, before roughly grabbing onto him in the livingroom. he also remembered the darkness that cornered his vision half a second later. his mother had refused to tell him what his father had actually _done_ to him all these years, and he'd never been particularly interested enough to ask anyway.

"he always lashed out on us, on _you_ especially. that night, he'd..." minho's mother hesitated, "he'd beaten you black and blue, and you almost _died._ there was _so much blood_. by the time i'd called the ambulance and the police had showed up, he kept muttering this one sentence that i can never, _ever_ forget."

minho froze, his heartbeat quick inside his chest. "...what did he say?"

she met his curious gaze. she looked regretful. "he said, ' _i've finally done what you asked. can you leave me alone now?_ '"

minho was speechless, but his mother continued, inhaling a huge breath as she did so.

"h-he kept on saying that, screaming it out even as the policemen took him away. he kept muttering how he was ' _doing the right thing'_ and how the person tormenting him would ' _come for me'_ since i prevented you from dying." minho's mother paused, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "i couldn't sleep properly after that night. i was so stressed out, and the fact that he'd made you lose some of your memory after hitting you so hard took a toll on me as well. i had bills to pay, and i had to take care of you as well, as you had to undergo a lot of physical therapy to get better.

"i didn't tell you all this as you were _so_ young then, and when you started making new friends, i didn't want you to feel bad about the ones you'd left behind," she said, looking her son in the eye. "i'm so sorry about that."

minho couldn't form any words that would make actual sense. he was extremely shocked at what his mother had said, especially as he had a major memory loss between the ages of nine to ten years old. he _still_ couldn't recollect his memories of those times though, and that in itself made the situation all the more terrifying.

his father -- the man who almost _killed_ him, who beat him up and shouted at him and ruined a part of his childhood -- had more in common with him that he'd originally thought.

minho wanted to throw up.

"i'm so sorry for not telling you this earlier, minho. but back then, i couldn't make sense of his behaviour. i, like many others, thought he was an evil, and vile lunatic," minho's mother continued. she squeezed her son's palm, noting the way it was trembling. "i'm so sorry."

minho squeezed his eyes shut, holding in his breath without actually meaning to. his head spun with nausea, and he felt dizzy.

"i... i wanted to show you something."

minho opened his eyes, not thinking that things could actually get any worse than this. "...what is it?"

"you had a friend..." his mother whispered. "when you were around eight and a half. you guys were close, but when we moved, you couldn't even say goodbye to him because you didn't know who he was anymore."

minho's heart started beating irregularly when his mother searched through her bag for something. in a few seconds, she brought out a slightly crumpled paper, a nervous expression plastered on her face.

"you used to draw him a lot when you two were still friends. he'd always liked that. i'd kept this picture in particular, because i wanted show it to you one day, and... i felt today was the right time, after all you'd told me."

she gently placed the folded paper in minho's hand, and when minho finally opened it, his heart dropped.

*old drawing of jisung's younger self*

***

  
**a/n** : thoughts on this?


	60. 59

**minho** : jisung, i know   
what you are  
 _seen_

**minho** : i know who   
you are  
 _seen_

**minho** : we knew each other before  
 _seen_

**minho** : but i forgot   
about you  
 _seen_

**minho** : why didn't you   
let me know this  
 _seen_

**minho** : why are you suddenly keeping so silent now  
 _seen_

**minho** : answer my texts   
dammit  
 _seen_

**minho** : i want you to talk   
now before i completely   
block you out of my life  
 _seen_

**minho** : why aren't you responding??  
 _seen_

**minho** : you're reading my texts  
 _seen_

**minho** : this is your last chance  
 _seen_

**minho** : why are you being so difficult?  
 _seen_

**minho** : my mom, she said i always drew pictures of you  
 _seen_

**minho** : but i don't remember ever seeing your face  
 _seen_

**minho** : is that why you got so mad at me that you wanted to ruin my life?  
 _seen_

**minho** : because i forgot about your existence?  
 _seen_

**minho** : i don't have other pictures of you, by the way, but i have a letter that you wrote me several weeks before my dad did what he did to me  
 _seen_

**minho** : *picture attached*

" _to my dearest friend minho, you're a pretty cool guy. you're funny, and you make me laugh,_  
 _a̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶i̶e̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ and you have the coolest video games ever._

_i like hanging out with you, even though you're rather shy and quiet at times. but i think it's adorable and funny._

_remember when our other friends thought i was older than you because you're smaller than i am and always hide behind me when meeting new people? that felt nice, because i felt like i could protect you, like those soldiers in those fairytale books you always read. and you can be the p̶r̶i̶n̶c̶e̶s̶s̶ prince._

_i really want to protect you from all the bad things in the world. whenever you get hurt, i feel so sad and angry, even though you tell me it's nothing i should be worrying about._

_you make me very very very happy, and whenever we meet i'm always smiling so hard. you're so p̶r̶e̶t̶t̶y amazing, and probably the only person in the world i will allow to call me 'squirrel' b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶c̶u̶t̶e̶._

_anyway, the main reason that i am writing you this letter is because you told me you like it when i send you letters. and i've always been one who likes to write, since i think it makes me look more mature i guess :)._

_i hope you're sleeping well right now (after you read this letter of course). d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶h̶o̶ ._   
_promise me you'll never leave me, and that we'll always be the bestest of friends forever._

_love always, han jisung :D♡_ "  
 _seen_

**minho** : is that why you pestered me so much when we first talked, asking me if i knew you?  
 _seen_

**minho** : answer me jisung!

_seen_

**minho** : why the hell are you being like this?  
 _seen_

**minho** : why?  
 _seen_

**minho** : fine, if you don't want to answer any questions about you, then at least answer me this  
 _seen_

**minho** : i knew you from before, right? but did i know chan and jeongin?  
 _seen_

**minho** : who are they?  
 _seen_

**minho** : answer me jisung!  
 _seen_

**minho** : this is my last chance  
 _seen_

**minho** : i need to know!

  
**jisung** : they're gone.

**minho** : jisung, what   
do you mean by that?  
 _seen_

**minho** : jisung!  
 _seen_

**minho** : jisung, please.  
 _seen_


	61. 60

_last official chapter!_

***

  
minho couldn't exactly _say_ that he was liking these visits to this private psychiatrist clinic that his mother and woojin had gotten for him, but over the weeks, he'd grown to tolerate the psychiatrist called dr. kim in general, _and_ the man's affinity for air conditioning.

at first, minho had _hated_ this arrangement, and how much time he had to spend at the man's office on the first day, having to endure the doctor's invasive questioning and _tests_ in front of his mother until he finally handed out his verdict as to what was actually _wrong_ with him.

minho felt nothing less than a _monster_ as he'd seated through the doctor describing in crude detail _what_ exactly he had, listening to the man talk about the abnormalities of his brain. the more he'd listened to the man talk, the more his self-hatred grew, especially when he'd discovered that his father -- a person who had been nothing less than _evil_ to him and his mother, and who had been _mentally unstable_ to everyone -- was the one majorly resposible for all the torment he'd been going through as of recent.

when he'd first heard the doctor's words, he didn't _feel_ like lee minho anymore. he'd felt like a physical embodiment of a range of mental disorders, the words _schizophrenia,_ _depression_ , and _anxiety_ tattooed all over his forehead for the whole world to see. he didn't _feel_ like a human deserving of any love, just a pathetic nutjob who could never be fixed, and who would eventually end up in an insane asylum.

later that day, he'd experienced a mental breakdown in his mother's home, but after one call, woojin'd arrived, comforting him and telling him that everything was going to be okay -- that _he_ _was going to be okay_.

minho could remember how his heart rapidly raced as woojin had searched up all the things that he thought were _wrong_ with him, only to feel himself gradually calm down when woojin showed him several articles and testimonials from people who were _just like him_ _._ he witnessed how they _struggled_ just like he did, how they got better in the process, and how they eventually went on to live normal lives in the end.

woojin had told him it would _be_ like that for him as well, and even though minho didn't really _believe_ him then, he'd regained a lot more _hope_ for the future right then.

and then there came the extensive pescribed medications, the prolonged doctor visits, and the behavioural therapy. he had to talk -- _a lot_ \-- even under the scrutiny of his mother and his other close friends' eye many times. and when he spoke, he'd cry _so much_ , the only thought running through his head being that everyone would all think he was _crazy_ and hate him to no end. he thought they'd become scared of him and stay away from him forever. after all, he'd been nothing but reckless these past few months, pushing all their buttons and taking advantage of their kindness.

but...they _didn't_. seungmin, felix and changbin had been shocked when they'd first heard the news, of course, but they didn't _leave_ him. they didn't push him aside and think of him as a psychopath with an illness that was unworthy of their attention, but instead they showered him with their love and care, and always made sure to visit him almost daily at his mother's house to make sure he was okay, as well as bring along all the notes he'd missed from his classes.

they still treated him like _lee minho_ , their absolute best friend who was crazy talented at art and was an _amazing_ dancer, and for that, minho felt nothing short of _grateful_. often times he felt like he wasn't deserving of any of their kindness, but whenever they were around him, they never failed to reassure him that he meant a lot to them. they didn't _ever_ want to lose him, not again.

everyday, minho's friends would leave him these sticky notes with a wide array of colours and cheerful stickers.

 _'you're doing good, minho!'_ one would read.

' _remember that we love you, and you deserve the world!'_ another would read.

_'i love you so much, my #1 chicken buddy'_

_'smile more, minho! you deserve nothing but happiness!'_

' _you're amazing, talented, and don't forget about your visuals as well. although i think i'm the ultimate visual (or binsual, if you refer to me as that), i still think you're pretty close. also, don't apologize for anything. you'll always mean a lot to me, and your happiness is mine as well. don't ever forget that :)_ ' was what changbin had written him one saturday, but that didn't stop minho from calling him over and hanging out, just like they'd done when they were younger.

and although minho could never love his friend the way he so desperately wanted to, he grew to understand that it was _okay_ _;_ that _they_ were okay, and that their friendship mattered too much to the both of them to ever break apart.

but sometimes in the middle of the night, dark thoughts would roam his mind again. and then he'd be afraid about the future, about if he was actually going to be okay, _fixed_. he'd wonder if he was ever going to be _himself_ again.

during those moments, minho would be scared he'd turn into someone like his _father_. he'd get so worried and terrified, because he _knew_ his mind was unpredictable, and anytime from now he could lash out again. he could become a danger to everyone else, even _himself_.

at those moments, minho would _hate_ what he saw in the mirror. he'd look inside himself and see someone who could be capable of becoming the spawn of the horrible man who was known as his father, an offspring with the same life-altering disorder. and then he'd cry, feeling so _out of control_ with himself and his emotions -- like a ticking timebomb.

but, luckily, those moments never lasted long. as time progressed, they grew less and less evident, until minho couldn't even remember them anymore.

soon enough, the seemingly eternal darkness that had surrounded him all about like heavy clouds had dispersed into nothing, and the gentle rays of the sun began to peek through once more.

slowly but surely, minho started to love himself again.

***

  
the sun was gradually setting, the sky a dazzling orange and a royal blue. the breeze that seamlessly flowed through the air was neither too rough or too weak, and it was just... _perfect_.

small empty boats oscillated over the calm waves of the rippling sea shore, forming this serene atmosphere that minho loved.

lately, he'd found himself coming to this beach to think whenever he had the time, especially when the sun was just setting. it gave him genuine peace of mind, and provided a space where he could just _be himself_.

and right now, he was back again. his friends had planned to come along as well, but minho had suggested for them to meet up at this restaurant instead, as he had something he'd been wanting to do for a while now.

the golden hue from the bright skies illuminated minho's skin, making it glow in this ethereal shade of yellow just as soon as he pulled out the device in his pocket.

the reflection from the sun's orange rays glinted off the cracked, coarse screen of his phone, and for a few seconds, minho watched it, recalling all of the memories it'd given him. although a majority of them had not been pleasant in the slightest, a bittersweet feeling wove itself within his chest.

_i guess this is it, huh?_

minho's head felt light, clear of any disturbances, of any negative thoughts or emotions. he felt weightless, as finally, he'd gotten that _peace_ he'd craved for. he'd gotten to _rest_.

it took less than a second for minho to throw the phone as far as he could into the vast sea in front of him, and it took even less for the phone to sink, completely disappearing into oblivion. completely disappearing from minho's _life_.

and minho was glad. now, he was free. he was _okay_.

for the first time in what felt like forever, minho felt like he could _breathe_.

for the first time in what felt like eternity, minho was _finally_ able to get some closure.

he'd struggled, but then he'd overcame everything, coming out _victorious_.

he'd _won_.

minho cracked a relieved smile, one that lit up his whole face, and as several birds flew through the darkening skies, he gave one last glance to the sea, before turning around and making his way back to where his friends and family were located, _waiting_ for him.

**_2 unread messages from 'jisung' !_ **

**[jisung** : **goodbye, minho.]**

**[jisung** : **until we meet again.]**

***

**a/n** : okay guys this is not the end yet. there's still a bonus chapter and an explanatory one coming up

thoughts?


	62. bonus

the convenience store downtown was buzzing with so much energy, _so many_ of its customers leaving and entering the building every second, and for a while there minho stood still in shock, his mind reeling with a little bit of nervousness.

that was always the hardest part; dealing with the little bouts of anxiety and self-deprecation here and there. the medications and therapy he'd been subjected to were doing their job though, and now he was happier than he'd been in a long time. although he'd been cursed with a mental illness that never really went away, he still realized that he could live a satisfied and fulfilled life, all because of the help and support he was receiving on the daily.

after inhaling a deep breath, minho finally decided to enter the store. the second he entered though, he was insanely grateful that his mother had reminded him to wear his hoodie today, as the large convenience store _reeked_ with too much air conditioning. it was like they were trying to turn every human that shopped there into icecaps, and even if it was currently summer, the store shouldn't have been allowed to use _that_ much air condition.

minho took out his new phone when he'd gotten to an aisle filled with snacks for little kids, surveying through the shopping list his mother had sent to him through text message.

the list itself wasn't anything much, just a few items here and there. the outing wasn't really made for him to shop, but it was because his mother felt he needed to socialize some more, as well as to receive some fresh air as he'd been cooped up into several rooms for too long. she also felt he needed some exercise as well, but nothing that would be too draining for him.

as minho proceeded to look for the first item, which was a packet of peanuts (as his mom loved peanuts a lot), he paused for a bit, looking through his phone again to see if a message from an unknown number had popped up. when he found none, a relieved breath left his lips.

he'd formed a habit of checking his phone for texts from unknown numbers ever since he'd purchased his new phone, even though he knew he'd imagined the whole thing, and that none of it was _real_. but sometimes, he just couldn't help himself.

 _stop checking your phone, minho,_ minho chastised himself as he dug his phone back into his jean pocket. he inhaled a deep breath to calm himself down, and then he started walking again, heading down the store to go look for his mom's precious peanuts.

he continued walking, taking his time so he wouldn't accidentally bump into any of the other customers and make them angry. for some reason, he was starting to feel a little bit tense.

a low-volumed pop song blasted through the store's speakers, and for a second there, minho let himself relax for a little bit, the cheerful sounding song brightening up his mood considerably and easing the tension that had built up inside his chest.

after he'd gotten his mom's peanuts, he headed towards the direction of where the pet food was stored, as the cat food supply was kind of running low in the house.

as he entered the aisle, there were two other people there as well. being a little socially awkward, minho avoided eye-contact with both males, reading through the cat food labels for the best one.

as his eyes continued to observe the assorted options of cat food to choose from, he heard the sound of something like a bag dropping, and on instinct, he turned to the side.

" _oh my god_ \-- uh, sorry!" the guy who'd dropped the bag that held some dog food hurriedly apologized to everyone else. as he bent down to pick up the bag, his black hoodie lowered, revealing a head of soft blue hair.

minho was about to look away when the other male's eyes met his, and he felt like his heart almost stopped.

 _no_ , his mind spoke, its frazzled voice bouncing through the walls of his head, _this can't be happening. no..._

the blue haired male froze up for a few moments, his tan face revealing those familiar set of round deep brown eyes that minho had grown to be so scared of. recogniton flashed through them as the male stood up, but minho had already turned around, ready to run out of the store.

" _wait_!" the male cried out, and even though his voice sounded nothing like the _jisung_ minho had known, he just _knew_ he had to get out of there as quick as he could.

minho had only gotten a few feet ahead when he felt a hand grab his elbow, and then he froze up, chills running down his spine.

his breath started to come out in quick, uneven pants, and he was only able to relax a bit when the male promptly let go of his arm after witnessing the effect his touch had on the taller.

"i..." the blue haired male started, "i just... i think i know you."

"you _don't_ ," minho replied without wasting any time. he _hated_ how much the guy in front of him resembled the one entity that was responsible for the disaster that had happened to him last year.

the male's eyes softened, looking like a puppy that had just been kicked aside, and minho felt that stabbing feeling of guilt.

"you're... lee minho, right?" the guy asked. "i -- this must be _so awkward_ for you right now, but i _know_ you. we...we were friends when we were younger. close friends. and i was _devastated_ when i'd learned that you moved."

minho's heart rate sped up, recalling his mother's words about the childhood friend he'd forgotten. "you don't know me. and i don't know you either."

the boy looked down for a couple seconds, his hair used as a shield to mask all the hurt he felt at those two sentences. "i...i'm han jisung though. we were buddies during elementary times, and you often spent several nights at my place." he looked up at minho, inhaling a huge breath of air. "we were really close. you used to draw pictures of me, and i'd keep them, because you were _so_ good at drawing."

minho bit his lip, trying to remain composed even though he was shaking like a leaf on the inside. "you must've mistook me for someone else, sorry."

"i _know_ it's you, minho. your eyes... i know you're the one i've been looking for all these years. i'm so sorry that we lost contact," jisung replied, "but...maybe we can start over again?"

"i can't... i can't remember you because i lost memories of you due to an incident," minho explained. his hands wanted to start trembling, but he didn't _allow_ them to. "i don't think we can ever be friends again."

jisung's eyes widened, and he shook his head. " _please_ , minho. i just... i'm _so glad_ i finally got to see you again. please don't do this."

minho _hated_ how conflicted he'd become over this issue. on one hand, he wanted to reject this guy's offer and put the past behind him... but on _another_ hand, he didn't want to push aside a potential friend just because of his trauma. shutting jisung out would just prove to him that he wasn't yet strong enough to start afresh and face his insecurities head on.

but minho _wanted_ to be strong enough. he wanted to stop feeling so afraid and paranoid due to what he'd experienced last year. he didn't want his fear of the jisung that he'd texted stand in the way of him connecting with his old friend.

 _yes_ , it was unfortunate that minho's schizophrenia had taken the form of his long lost childhood friend, but minho didn't want that to inhibit his actions any longer.

minho exhaled a small breath, hoping with all his heart that the decision he was about to make would end up being the right one all along.

"minho?" jisung asked, staring at the dark haired male with a pair of hopeful eyes.

"okay, _fine_. ...we can start over again," minho replied.

the blue haired male in front of him revealed a blinding smile, one that radiated a relief and hapiness so _real_ _,_ that minho just _knew_ the guy was nowhere _near_ the jisung he'd known. "how about we head to this cafe round the corner, just to catch up? that is -- when we're both done with our shopping, of course."

minho shrugged, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips as jisung stumbled over what he was going to say, rubbing the back of his blushing neck in embarrassment. "sure, i guess."

"okay! we'll meet there around twelve, alright? twelve in the afternoon, just to be clear. but then again, that _was_ pretty obvious and i _so_ did _not_ need to clarify that," jisung answered, blushing even more. his smile grew when minho chuckled.

"okay. we'll meet at twelve. twelve _pm_ , of course," minho said, which only made the blue haired male's pink cheeks turn an even _darker_ shade.

although minho felt a little weary about this whole thing in general, he got the distinct feeling that he didn't need to worry about anything afterall.

everything would be okay.

**THE END**.

***

**DID YOU ENJOY THIS BOOK?**  
YES|NO

**NEXT CHAPTER IN PROGRESS** : EXPLANATION

** LATEST  ** ** BOOKS OF THE "TEXT ME" THRILLER SERIES: **

1\. **TEXT MSG** // MINSUNG [COMPLETED]✔  
2\. **HEART YOU** // CHANGLIX [COMPLETED]✔

***

**a/n** : thoughts on this?


	63. explanation

  
beginning.

okay. before i made this book, i'd been harbouring the idea of making a texting fanfic, preferably a minsung one. but it was then that i realized just how _many_ minsung texting books were out there on wattpad. i could've just gone with that same idea, but i wanted to write something that was entertaining, something that stood out from the crowd.

and then, one morning, i randomly thought 'what if you could text your mental illness or insecurities?'. the idea just came to me, and that was when i realized i could make this into an actual story. in my opinion, no ship suited this concept more than minsung, and that is how text msg was formed.

(and tbh, if i could text my insecurities and negative thoughts and feelings, i would've cussed them out a long time ago. or block them lmao)

overview.

  
so, as you all know by now, (the brown haired) jisung is minho's mental illness in 'human' form. he wasn't ever real, and only existed in minho's _head_.

when the book started, you could see him asking minho if minho knew him, to which minho responded to with 'i don't'. but since minho had been friends with the _real_ jisung when they were children and had forgotten him as he grew up, his lost memories formed this entity known as 'han jisung', due to his schizophrenia that had been passed down to him from his father.

in the beginning, jisung acted acted nice to minho when minho hadn't really been all that comfortable with him. he thought jisung was creepy, and blocked him on numerous occassions, only for jisung to text him back like it was nothing. i wanted to link that with how mental illnesses (i.e depression) often times feel like strangers when they first appear, and how so many times, we try to block them out but all to no avail.

as the story progressed, 'jisung' grew stronger, and meaner, and minho only grew more and more dependant on him. whenever minho made a 'mistake', he'd mirror minho's insecurities right back at him by texting him rude messages and ruining his mood (like calling him a whore when he'd slept with changbin). he'd convince minho over and over that he 'loved him', and always got angry when minho spent time with people other than him.

and over time, he started telling minho about how he was the 'only one who cared about him' and how minho's friends 'didn't care about him like he did', which only drove minho to push his friends away at certain times. and jisung _knew_ what he was doing, because whenever minho hung out with his friends, it was easier for him to block jisung out. jisung wanted minho to rely on him _alone_.

(this can be alluded to how mental illness (i.e depression) can often times make us insecure, and drive us away from our loved ones by making us feel as if they don't actually care about us.)

and jisung's constant presence in minho's life made him more prone to lashing out, getting angry, and having delusions. he became much more emotionally unstable, but, as jisung always told him whenever they had an argument, he'd always come right back. and when minho experienced his sleep paralysis, jisung's shadow form had told him that they'd be together forever. he also told minho not to leave him, and that he needed minho various times, but that had just been a ploy to make it more difficult for minho to get some help.

when people don't get help for their depression, or other mental issues, they come to think of them as their 'friends', always seeming to come back to their mental illness (i.e depression) because they've grown _too_ used to its presence in their lives.

also, i want to talk about the symbolism of minho's _phone_.

  
as you've seen from the very beginning, the only way jisung could 'communicate' with minho was through the phone. whenever something happened to minho, or the 'phone', jisung wouldn't be able to reach him.

i added the phone bit mostly because i knew the book plot would've been obvious from the start if minho started hearing random voices in his head, but since jisung was 'texting' him, you all assumed he was just some stalker, or creep, or even a tech-whiz hacking ghost (what¿).   
you all got angry with him, made assumptions about him being bipolar, cussed him out etc, but that's what people often feel when they deal with their mental issues. they get angry at the voices in their head, hating the fact that they _just don't seem to want to leave them alone_ (very much like a stalker). it was _all intentional_.

  
the phone was also a metaphor about how technology is often times toxic to our wellbeing, like the time when 'jisung' kept on showing minho pictures that hyunjin and felix had posted on instagram, knowing fully well that minho had strong feelings for felix, when in fact it had been _minho_ looking through those pictures instead the whole time, feeling himself sink lower and lower into his depression and insecurities (kind of like how we often feel inadequate or 'not good enough' when we see other attractive people on social media, living lavishly and travelling to nice places.)

also, due to minho's schizophrenia, he'd been the one texting his own self, having a conversation with the voice in his head, which was known as 'jisung'. as time grew, jisung became more powerful, and minho became more fragile and hysterical, letting himself be controlled by jisung (like when jisung 'entered the chat' when minho and hyunjin were talking, eventually leading hyunjin to block minho.)

one of the only times minho was able to get rid of 'jisung' (apart from when he got hurt or hospitalized) was when he said he _hated_ jisung, which happened to make him succeed in blocking jisung out for once. what that meant was that minho was slowly coming to terms with the fact that 'jisung' was _horrible_ for him, which made it easier for him to shut out jisung (aka his mental illness) for a while.

  
and what about chan and jeongin, you ask?

just like 'jisung', they aren't _real_. they're a figment of minho's imagination, and are anxiety and paranoia in human form. they _always_ seemed to support jisung, even when they were obviously in the wrong, because they belonged in the same category as jisung. they were jisung's 'friends', and they seemed to hate minho a lot.

whenever they 'texted' him, minho always ended up scared and paranoid (like when he started running through the hospital halls that night after chan and jeongin'd threatened him before, thinking that something was chasing after him). it was all their doing. whenever they were around, minho became unstable and thought that he was being _followed_.

  
and what about those pictures of minho?   
the selfies were as a result of minho's doing, as he was always checking every social media, letting his insecurities about himself grow even larger. he went from feeling he was 'too skinny', to wanting to lose weight, due to his mental illness called 'han jisung'.

the pictures of minho that were 'taken' by chan without his consent, however, were not real. as i wrote before, chan and jeongin are his anxiety and paranoia in 'human' form, so the 'pictures' were formed as a result of minho feeling like he was being watched every second of the day.

when jisung and minho finally 'met' due to minho's schizophrenia, minho was already suicidal. he'd come to hate every part of himself _because_ of jisung, and he'd already given up on living a normal life. he'd already tried ending his life before, so that made him less afraid to slit his own left wrist in the hope that he'd finally be able to die and never get to see jisung again.

he was only able to be saved because of woojin, who'd had a bad feeling that night and came to visit him with minho's other friends, only to see that dorm was already unlocked. the way he knew minho was in danger was due to the blood that he'd spotted seeping through the bathroom door. and right away, he'd dialed the ambulance's number (because he's minho's saviour, _obviously_ ).

minho only started getting better after he finally got professional help and support, and soon enough, his worries about 'jisung' became nonexistent. jisung never 'texted' him back; he became unresponsive, and minho didn't talk to him either as well.

and at the end of the last chapter, we could see minho throwing his phone into the sea as a form of closure. it's a metaphor about how he'd managed to conquer through his struggles, and how he was _finally happy_ despite the many times he wanted to give up and kill himself. he was okay now, and got to say goodbye to 'jisung' on his _own terms_.

  
i'd added that last bit as a motivational booster for anyone who's ever felt like giving up.

stay strong. things will get better. be hopeful :)

also, when the _real_ jisung finally got reunited with minho at the bonus chapter, i'd originally planned for minho to reject him and move on with his life. but then i figured that wouldn't do the entire book plot justice, so i just cancelled that original idea and made them be friends again. yay!

question is: do you think minho will ever develop romantic feelings for the real jisung?

conclusion + acknowledgements.

several parts of this book were taken from my own personal thoughts and struggles with depression, so often times the book hit a little _too_ close to home. there were many chapters that discussed minho's dwindling self-esteem and loss of appetite, which i'd experienced several times over the past few years.

minho's character was a person made up of my thoughts and feelings, so he will always hold a special place in my heart.

(and i'd also like to say a special 'fuck you' to 'jisung', aka _not_ the real jisung, but the psychopathic jisung in this story, since he's the embodiment of my shitty insecurities and horrible 3 am thoughts)

and i'd like to thank you guys -- the readers -- who gave this book a chance and stuck with it all throughout. love you all ♡

  
(also, i'd like to share that please please _please_ do not post spoilers of the book if you happen to reread it in the future. i want the new readers to _fully_ experience the twists and turns of this book like you all did.)

goodbye for now :)


End file.
